You Deserve To Add More Good To Your Life

Hello humans subscribed to my random musings,

I feel like I don’t have that much free time, but once I start talking about television, I reconsider that notion. Wanna geek out on Stanger Things? Let’s go. Discuss the plot twist of Ozarks? I’m in.

Whether I watch too much is neither here nor there. But my latest show of choice is the fantasy comedy series The Good Place.

The plot is simple. People die, and they either go to The Good Place or The Bad Place. Well, there’s also a Middle Place, but that just complicates things and would require too many spoilers.

The Good Place is the equivalent to heaven. You have everything you could dream of. All the amenities that make you happy. Literally a perfect day, every day.

So I got to thinking: what would my Good Place look like?

Without a doubt, there would always be perfectly brewed coffee. The kind made in a french press; not one of those glass jar diner coffee makers from hell.

I’d have a never-ending library of books from all different subjects. There would be the comfiest of chairs sitting in the middle of the room. Perhaps with a button that automatically produced salmon sashimi when pressed.

My backyard would be acres of land, with puppies roaming freely that always choose to come to have me pet them over anyone else. There are dogs of every breed, but remarkably, none of them shed. Or bark.

Ah, yes. My Good Place would be good.

Then I snap back to reality. Sitting on my roommate’s couch that her parents had back in the ’90s, I sip on my luke-warm coffee.

Why is it that I can’t incorporate some of those things into my actual life? While I’m still, you know, alive.

I quickly forget the little things that make me happy. I’ll spend money on a seventh denim jacket I don’t need without thinking. But $2 more to buy a better quality coffee? Hah. No way.

But the fact is, I know what makes me happy. And I’m (hopefully) not going to any Good/Bad/Middle place anytime soon; so why not make my time now more like my good place?

Why don’t we all make our lives a little more like The Good Place?

I mean, we deserve to be happy.

Even if it’s just little things like better coffee. We deserve to enjoy our lives. If there’s a slight tweak we can make, then why not do it?

Plus, we show up for others better when we are our best selves.

Essentially I’m saying, the better quality coffee you drink, the better quality human you are.

The little things make a huge difference

I’m not saying go off and buy a house in Fiji if that’s where you’d live in your Good Place.

That’s completely unreasonable, and I’m not responsible for those actions.

But it’s the tiny details of what your Good Place looks like that matters. The smallest of changes will increase the quality of your life little by little.

What I am saying is, don’t wait to start indulging in life

Don’t wait until you’re retired to really indulge in the splendors of life. Treat yourself now, there’s really no need to wait.

You know you can stand to sleep a bit more. Spending your evenings reading a book would make you happier. Traveling more is something you could make more of a priority.

And you can sure as hell spend $2 more on better coffee.

Once you figure out what it is your Good Place looks like, go out and make your real-life a bit more like it.

Add some good to your life now.

I'm Done With Caring; How About You?

I recently posted an article that was a bit (seriously, a bit) controversial. You can read it here if you so please.

I worried a little. Within an hour, someone already commented on the piece with backlash.

Two hours later, my mom texted me, saying she enjoyed the article. I replied, saying thanksbut 'it's a bit controversial. She said controversy is good.

I'm not in the writing business to write fluffy bullshit you can find littered all over the internet. I'm not interested in "How-To" articles that seem so generic you wonder why you ever clicked on the goddamn piece.

But time and time again, I find myself running back to these; like a safety net. I leap into them with trust and assurance that people will accept them.

And then a bit of my soul dies. 

They're the articles I'm embarrassed by; the ones I don't want people to consider as my work.

So why in the world do I write them?

Because I care way too much what people think. 

I used to care a lot more about what people thought of me in general. A few years passed, and I realized I cared a bit less. Whoa, I thought. This feels good.

So now I'm on a journey, or perhaps a mission: to dig up the few fucks I have left and responsibly recycle them. I never want to see them again.

I'm done caring what other people think. How about you?

There's a whole lot of genericism in this world. We've gotten to the point where even the slightest deviation from the norm is thought to be "unique."

But in reality, we're walking around with relatively the same clothes, same cars, same phone, and same daily routines. It's not unique. It's actually an epidemic.

What're the chances we all naturally like the same thing?

Slim to none. 

We're scared. We're scared to be different and out of that fear we assimilate. Instead of standing out, we stand in. We choose what everyone else does; say what everyone else thinks.

And most people continue that path of— to be frank— mediocracy. Not that their choices are mediocre in themselves, but their decisions are mediocre in comparison to their true desires.

As a result, many people feel unfulfilled. Mental health issues are running rampant in our country. Everyone is fucking depressed or anxious, and it's because we're all stuck in our heads and living a neatly contained life of assimilation.

But what if you could start living an authentic life right now?

It all starts with awareness. When you want to do something, but are afraid of the opinion's of others, do it anyway.

Override your instinct to give in to fear. Slap it in the face for daring to approach you and do whatever it is you wanted to do.

Then, repeat. Over and over again. Until one day, you're living more authentically.

Meanwhile, explore what it is you truly love. Figure out what sets your soul uniquely on fire.

I used to think I loved hiking and brunch. I mean, who doesn't? Read any girl's profile on Bumble, and I guarantee you 80% will mention one of those.

But when I started to hone in on what I actually enjoyed, hiking and brunch weren't at the top— not even close.

Sure, I enjoy a good hike in autumn— because hiking in Los Angeles in summer is a choice only a masochist, Instagram influencer, or tourist would make.

But alone? Solo? Sans another human being either dragging me down or showing me up? That’s my jam (sometimes). I don't want to try to hold a conversation while I hike. I can barely catch a fucking breath.

And breakfast food is But my stomach is not equipped to down sugary alcohol with either eggs or even more sugary french toast. Especially not when it all costs me the same as a week's worth of groceries.

It's crucial to figure out what it is you love to do. Not what looks good on Instagram or what your basic, brunch-loving friends like to do.

I know it's a scary feat; leaping away from the norm. Pursuing an exotic life that can't be found scrolling through your feed.

But it's better than being like everyone else. Because honestly, how boring.

I refuse to believe we're on this planet with the intent of merely fitting in.

No, forget that. And forget what everyone else thinks.

Live your life however you please. Do this world a favor and show it something its never seen.

Book Update: Want To Be Interviewed?

As you know, or don't, I'm writing a book. I'd love for you to be in it.

Hello fellow humans,

As you know, or don’t, I’m writing a book. It’s about the feeling of uncertainty/being lost that comes with the decade known as our 20’s.

I’ll be frank: I have no idea what I’m doing. This is my first book. Is it ironic to say I feel lost about writing a book about feeling lost? Yes, it is.

But I am writing it none-the-less because this is one of those things I just feel like I’m meant to do.

I’ve gone back and forth on how I want the format of my book to be. Along with the style, tone of voice, etc.

One thing I know for sure is this: I want personal stories.

That’s where you guys come in.

I’m interviewing people for my book. I hope to gather as much nuanced anecdotes of feeling lost in life to help people feel more understood. I want to hear from people from all walks of life.

So if you’re interested in being interviewed, reply here or email me at

The interview will be a questionnaire that I’ll send you. You can fill it out on your own time. You don’t even have to answer all the questions. No rush. No pressure.

I think this will be fun— I want to have you guys feel like you’re pat of my book too. I mean, this book is going to be personal, why not bring my readers in on it?

Thanks in advance if you choose to be a part of it. I hope you do! (Or else my book may succumb to the fluffy “personal development” bull sh*t I’m terrified it may become.)

Lots of Love,


10 Small Things You Can Do For Your Partner Every Day

Relationships are like plants. But not those frilly alien-like ones deemed “air plants” that subsist purely off the water floating in the air.

Relationships are like plants. But not those frilly alien-like ones deemed “air plants” that subsist purely off the water floating in the air.

No, relationships are more like the exotic fiddle fig tree. They need some tending to once a week to keep from withering away. But to really thrive, the fiddle fig needs tending to every day, if only a bit.

Becoming comfortable in a relationship is common, though a slippery slope into taking one another for granted or letting one’s needs slip by. I assume we all would like a thriving relationship rather than a lack-luster, withering one. And that is achieved by doing little things for your partner every day.

  1. Ask your partner what they want. When was the last time someone simply asked you, “What is it that I can give more of or start doing for you?” That kind of question creates a lot of space for someone that normally wouldn’t bring up something like that to speak their mind. Not only that, but it gives them a chance to think about what it is that they believe could make the relationship better.

  2. Validate your partner’s feelings. Often, in relationships, people feel misunderstood. Emotions are tricky, but one thing is for sure: you can’t negate how someone feels. Letting your partner know that you support how they’re feeling, whether or not you agree with what caused those feelings, will make them feel understood by you.

  3. Allow them space for their interests. We all need alone time, especially when we’re living with a partner. Part of a healthy relationship is having space to be able to do activities and hang out with friends without your partner around. Allow your partner a bit of time, every day, to do whatever it is that makes them happy without you.

  4. Remember the little things. Grand gestures are great in the moment, but it’s the little things that have a lasting impact. Remembering that your partner has a stressful meeting on Thursday, then asking about how it went that night, will make your partner feel cared for.

  5. Keep your relationship private. Unless otherwise talked about, keep your relationship out of the public eye. You have every right to reach out for advice/help when you’re going through a hard time but don’t blast those moments for the world to see on social media.

  6. Offer to spend time with their friends/family. Having the people your partner cherishes most come together is one of the best feelings. When you offer up to make moments like that happen, you’re creating a deeper admiration between the two of you.

  7. Show your love in their love language. Everyone has a different way of both giving and receiving love. Ask your partner what their love languages are and show them love every day. Remember that the way you show love could be different than the way they receive it.

  8. Communicate openly with them. Communication is the number one reason for divorce and relationships failing. Bottling up resentment or putting off bringing up something important will be detrimental to both you and the relationship.

  9. Make them feel important. Remind your partner how amazing they’re doing at their job. Let them know that you’re so grateful they entered your life. It’s easy to forget to let the people closest to us know how much they mean to us.

  10. Work on yourself. The best thing you can do for your partner is to be your best self. Get some sleep. Eat well. Do the things you’re passionate about. Cultivate self-love. All of these combined are the best possible things you can do for your partner every day.

9 Things To Work On In Your 20’s If You Want To Be Happy Forever

That's right.. I said ~*~forever~*~

Happiness isn’t a final destination, it’s something you can carry with you along your journey through life.

Happiness may look different for people, but certain aspects of life hold us all back. I’ve seen it time and time again: people neglect parts of their life in favor of money and climbing the corporate ladder, only to be sorely disappointed.

Or, like me, they run away from their issues. When I was struggling with my eating disorder and an abusive boyfriend, I thought happiness would quite literally be found through a plane ticket. I opted to travel the world for two years, only to realize that true happiness wasn’t found in foreign lands.

But life can be lived differently. And I’m sure if you all could tell me through your computers, I’d bet every one of you would like to be happy, right?

Well, happiness is about taking care of certain parts of your life and cutting out others. Yes, it takes some tending to, but the results will last a life-time.

Learn About Emotional Intelligence and Strengthen It

Emotional Intelligence is defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.”

Essentially, it’s how well you express yourself and interact with other’s emotions.

Being able to identify and handle your emotions accurately will be a key player in determining your happiness. People often try to ignore their feelings, only to have them explode in their face (or someone else’s).

The sooner you’re able to have a better understanding of why you feel the way you do, and when you express those emotions, the sooner you’ll be on your way to a happy life.

Cut Out Toxic People From Your Life

You may not realize it, but other people can drastically affect your emotions.

When you’re spending time with someone, they’re either building you up or bringing you down. Guess which of those categories “toxic friends” falls into?

A toxic friend is the kind of person that’s always negative. The kind of person that will throw a back-handed compliment at you, only to make themselves feel better. The kind of person that takes but never gives.

These people will be a huge detriment to your happiness. Learning that you deserve friends that build you up and cutting out the rest will set you up for a happier future.

Learn About Finances and Budgeting

Most of us aren’t born understanding how money works. I mean, it seems easy enough: you make money, and you spend it.

But when you have bills to pay every month and subscriptions you signed up for and forgot about, you can quickly start spending more then you make. And there’s nothing worse than being in debt because you didn’t know how to properly budget.

Create a spreadsheet or a list of everything you must spend your money on each month. These include groceries, bills, rent, health insurance, etc. Then subtract that number from the amount you make each month. What’s leftover is for you to decide how you want to spend.

I suggest saving at least 10% of that number.

Keeping track of your finances is going to be one of the most responsible things you can do for your future self. You may not realize it now, but credit scores do really matter.

Be More Picky About Who You Date

Please don’t spend your 20’s dating a bunch of assholes because they’re the “bad boy/girl” type. You will regret it later in life, I promise.

Take care of your heart now. Consider why it is you may have dating patterns that cause you pain. Try giving the nice guy/girl a chance. You could be pleasantly surprised.

Emotional trauma is a hard thing to un-do. You can’t always avoid it, but the least you can do is work towards making better dating decisions to avoid it.

Work On Loving Yourself

The one relationship you will be in for the rest of your life is the one with yourself.

Your body isn’t going anywhere. Your mind isn’t going anywhere. Your past isn’t going anywhere.

Use your 20’s to really get to know yourself. Figure out your own unique interests. Tell your body you love it every day. Practice self-care whenever you’re feeling down. Create a love for yourself.

Creating a stable relationship with yourself is something that will last a lifetime, better to get it started now.

Invest In Your Hobbies and Interests

Please don’t let the “real world” be the death of your unique interests.

Take the time, and the money if need be, to invest in your hobbies. Being creative as an adult is one way to forget all the worries of the real world. It’s something that’s entirely for yourself; something no one else can take away from you.

And happiness comes when you do the things you genuinely love. So why keep yourself from the hobbies that you know bring you bliss?

Travel The World Or Read About The World

Your perspective on how the world works is limited. It’s created from the bubble you live in and the experiences you’ve been through.

Traveling the world allows you to see that things are different. You’ll realize the people think and act differently, and that doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

But I know there are many reasons that travel isn’t an option for some people. If you can’t travel the world, then read about. Find authors from different cultures than yours; read about experiences that differ from your own.

Having your perspective widen will make you a more accepting, caring person. And with these crazy times we live in, the world can use a bit more of that.

Let Go Of Expectations

Expectations are premeditated resentments. And this goes for your own life too.

There’s no possible way that we can ever know how life will play out. Sure, we can hope for a particular future and work towards goals, but life is unpredictable.

And when you’re in your early 20’s, there’s no possible way that you can know what will truly make you happy. Your brain makes assumptions of what will make you happy off of what worked for others or what’s portrayed in the media. But we won’t know that until after we try.

So let go of your expectations for your life. Allow yourself to experience things and decide they’re just not for you.

And while you’re at it, let go of those silly numbers for when life events will happen. You know, the ones like I’ll be married by 25 and having kids by 28. Finding a life partner and having children should come naturally. You don’t want to do those things out of desperation for sticking to arbitrary numbers.

Life will happen when and how it is meant to happen. Trust that the path you do down is in your best interest.

Get Used To Feeling “Lost”

Our 20’s is a time for going out into the world and understanding who we are; a time to question everything and define ourselves as an individual.

And that’s a pretty scary journey to go on.

But rest assured that we all go on it. Rest assured that we all have no idea what we’re doing. Rest assured that at some point, every person has felt “lost” in life.

Feeling “lost” is normal and, better yet, a good thing. It means you’re questioning the narrative you’re currently living; deciding whether or not it’s the right one for you. And that, my friend, is called growth.

Through uncertainty comes exploration and through exploration comesprofound powerful growth.

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