Compromise Isn't Always Relationship Happiness

In a relationship. In life.

Jan 17

Hi fellow beings!

It’s another Friday. Another end to the week (or start to the weekend?).

I’m off to Seattle today. Or rather, tomorrow, since I will be on an airplane when this email sends out. I’m currently typing this out on a Thursday. Oh, the concept of time.

I’ll be heading up to the Emerald City (why is it called that?) for my boyfriend’s uncle’s birthday. We’ve been spending a lot of time with his family. And seeing as we are in a fledgling relationship, I took to letting him know things wouldn’t always be this way— my family matters too. Of course, he laughed and said, “I know they are. They’re just a little harder to get to.” Spoiler: my parents live in Ecuador. Yes, the one found in South America.

But I got to thinking about how easy it came for me to stand up for myself about this topic. And how not so easy it’s been for me in the past.

I got to thinking about compromise in life, but specifically, in relationships.

In my current relationship, things just work. We have the same end goals in life, we communicate well. But that’s a far cry from my past relationships. I compromised everything from seeing my friends to my values. I even once agreed to a casual relationship, even though that was far from what I was comfortable with.

I realized that flexibility is essential in a relationship, but only to a certain extent. When you start to compromise on things that make you who you are, that’s when the relationship becomes unhealthy.

For a happy, healthy relationship, make sure never to compromise on these things:

Your Friends And Family

A great partner is going to be accepting of your friends, even if they’re not jumping at every chance to hang out with them.

Those friends that we all know, the ones that become non-existent in relationships, aren’t doing themselves any favors. Maintaining your friendships and seeing your family is part of any healthy relationship, and your partner should be encouraging that.

Anyone that asks you to cut ties with those closest to you is trying to control your life. My advice: run.

Big Life Decisions

These include things like marriage and kids.

If you want children one day and your partner doesn’t, there’s never going to be a compromise that works. You’ll either miss out on a huge part of life, or your partner will have something forced upon them that they don’t want (and if that’s a kid, I can’t imagine that scenario ever ending well).

So don’t settle for a relationship where your views differ on big life decisions. There’s someone out there that’s going to align with you on these choices.

Your Hobbies/Passions

Do not stop doing the things you love just because your partner isn’t into them. That’s even more of a reason to do them because it fosters your sense of identity outside the relationship.

If you and your partner have different interests, that’s perfectly ok. Both of you are entitled to alone time and doing what makes you happy. You’re going to be better off if you both stick to this.

Your Physical And Mental Health

Your partner should care about both your physical and mental health.

This includes any sexual endeavors you both partake in. You should never feel pressured to do anything that you don’t want to.

This also includes your mental sanity. If your partner is manipulative or constantly toying with your emotions, then you’re compromising your mental health.

No relationship is worth compromising either of these.

Your Culture

I come from an upbringing that’s pretty void of any culture. But that’s something I always felt I missed out on. If your family has a rich cultural background and traditions, by all means, you should continue them.

Your sense of identity is vital in the relationship. Continuing to do things that make you feel like yourself is important. Your partner should also love all the things that make you unique, your culture included.

Make sure to keep your family’s traditions thriving in your relationship; you’ll have a more interesting and unique one as a result.

Your Goals

Whether they be personal or professional. Your goals are important to maintain; they give you something to work towards.

A relationship is all about supporting one another in whatever our goals may be. If you’ve dreamed of starting a business or writing a book, these are important to keep pursuing.

Whatever your life goals are, know that they aren’t up for compromise in your relationship.

Your Idea Of Fun

Sometimes, you’ll spend a night doing what your partner loves. The other nights, you should spend doing what you love.

Just because you and your partner might not see eye-to-eye on your ideas of fun, doesn’t mean either of you should give up what you love to do.

What you do for fun is part of who you are; make sure not to lose that in your relationship.

Your Self-Love

If your partner makes you question your worth, then they’re not the right person for you.

Self-love is key to a thriving relationship. How can you show love for others when you can’t even show it to yourself?

A loving partner will adore your unique quirks. They’ll make you feel comfortable being your authentic self with them. You won’t have to feel like you need to put on a show.

I know finding a partner can seem daunting, and being alone is scary. But don’t let these fears allow you to compromise what really matters.

Your compromise will eventually turn to resent, towards your partner and yourself.

Wait until you’re in a relationship where things come easy, and you don’t have to compromise on the big things. A healthy relationship is one where you can enjoy being you.

Until next week, my lovely readers.

All the love,

Kirstie