Staying grounded during the early stages of dating.
Hey, hopeful romantic!
A common theme throughout my dating conversations lately is that it’s TOUGH out there.
People are having a hard time feeling confident on dates, not feeling defeated while swiping, and feeling relaxed when they get excited about someone new.
So let’s talk about how to be more grounded during the early, chaotic stages of dating.
Have a bigger picture in mind.
What do you want out of dating? To find a long-term relationship? To feel respected, valued, and loved?
When you become clear on the bigger picture, you can get through the more minor obstacles easier. Instead of getting worked up that creating a boundary pushed someone away, you can remind yourself that the right person won’t leave, and finding that right person takes time.
Invest in your life outside of dating.
If you feel like dating is consuming your life, maybe that’s because it is.
While it’s great to be ambitious while searching for love, it’s also important to do the things that make you feel like yourself. Spend time doing hobbies you enjoy. Make plans to see your friends off. Hell, start a new goal!
Listen to your anxieties and worries.
Instead of trying to stop any overthinking, consider what you’re overthinking about and if any changes need to be made.
Maybe you’re worried about whether the person you’re dating wants to be exclusive, and those thoughts are CONSUMING your days. Listen to that anxiety and bring up the conversation yourself.
Sometimes our worries can be our greatest messenger.
Don’t swipe in a bad mood.
Don't get on dating apps if you’re feeling insecure or jaded. There’s nothing worse than being in a bad mood and then getting on an app where you’re judged based on superficial qualities.
That’s a recipe for disaster.
Before getting onto an app, check in with yourself. If you’re in a bad mood, consider doing something to make yourself feel better rather than swiping.
Treat yourself often.
Dating is hard. There’s no way around that. Instead of treating it as something we must endure, create a reward system around it.
Maybe that’s having a slice of your favorite cake waiting for you at home after a date. Or perhaps it’s creating a post-date ritual that makes you feel pampered and happy.
Remind yourself how incredible you are.
We all have great qualities about ourselves, yet, dating quickly makes us forget what those are. So, as a challenge, I want you to write down 10-15 qualities you love about yourself.
Don’t include external things like “I graduated college” or “I’m a lawyer.” Choose things that will always be true about yourself. If you’re drawing up blanks, ask the people closest to you what they love about you.
Maybe they help you think of things you never thought about.
There’s no magic cure to the stress and uncertainty that comes with modern dating, but you can put systems in place that support you in feeling better on your dating journey.
Let me know which of these tips you liked best!
Until next week!
All the love,
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If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
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Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Have a specific dating struggle you want to work with me on? Book a 1:1 session here.