Are you emotionally unavailable, too?
Time and time again, clients come to me because they keep dating emotionally unavailable people.
And, time and time again, I find that part of the reason is that they are emotionally unavailable, too.
So let’s talk about the signs you might be emotionally unavailable when dating.
But first, I want to remind you that I’m hosting a live Dating Anxiety 101 class at 10 am PST.
It’s for anyone who wants to learn how to end overthinking, ask for your needs, create boundaries, feel less anxious on their dates, and more.
Tickets are only $20, and you can still grab yours here!
If you have a hunch you may be emotionally unavailable when you date, ask yourself if you do any of the following:
You’re always one foot out the door. You’re reasoning for this is that you want to be prepared “in case they leave.” Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, and you’re simply dealing with data and facts. While you may think you’re protecting yourself, you’re actually stopping someone from experiencing all of you.
You “test” them to see if they’ll leave. You play games or ask them trick questions to see how they react. You pick fights to watch how long they’ll stick around. You function under the mentality that, like the first sign, you have to do what you can to know if they’ll hurt you now rather than getting hurt down the road.
You don’t talk about when you have a stressful day. You avoid talking about emotions or heavy topics. You’re worried the other person might disappoint you, or the idea of talking about feelings seems way too intimate. But, if you stop to think about it, emotional expression is something you very much want from a partner.
You want things to happen only your way. There’s no wiggle room for someone else’s opinions or ideas. You have your mind set on how your life will look and feel. And while it’s great to know what you want, this rigidity can be a huge roadblock for someone new who wants to enter your life.
You withdraw when things get difficult. When you’re overwhelmed, you shut down and want to be alone. You’ve dealt with your emotions on your own for so long; it’s the only way you know how to deal with things. Or, arguably worse, someone walked away when things became difficult, so you believe that dealing with things on your own is a way to ensure that won’t happen again.
You avoid making plans too far into the future. You think getting your hopes up is pointless if things don’t work out.
Does any of that sound like you? If so, you might be emotionally unavailable, and, in turn, it’s part of the reason you’re not finding emotionally available people to date.
But don’t worry! Being emotionally unavailable isn’t a death sentence. There are ways to become more comfortable with intimacy and expressing your emotions.
If that sounds like something you want to learn, reply to this email and let me know! If so, I can write about how to become more emotionally available for next week’s newsletter.
Until next week!
All the love,
Attend my live Dating 101 class on July 30th! (Tomorrow!!)
If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
Did you know I wrote a book about love? Grab your copy here.
Content You’ll Love:
When Quality Time is the secret of your LDR
Getting Back Out in the Dating World
How to Turn Your Dating Life Into an Adventure of Growth
Why Are We Bad at Dating? feat. Mark Groves
6 Ways Your Relationship Changes After the Honeymoon Phase
Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Have a specific dating struggle you want to work with me on? Book a 1:1 session here.