Would you even be friends with them?
Hey, hopeful romantic!
This week I was on a very exciting podcast, Seeing Other People, talking about boundaries, navigating modern dating, emotional availability, and much more.
I’m plugging the episode at the beginning of this week’s newsletter because a. I’m thrilled to have been a guest on SOP and b. you’ll find it very helpful (and entertaining).
Give it a listen here and let me know what you think!
This week I want to talk about one very specific tip but a tip that would’ve spared me a lot of pain and confusion with my past relationships.
And that’s asking yourself one question:
“Would I even want to be friends with them?”
When it comes to dating, our judgment can be clouded by so many things.
Addicting chemicals are released that dictate our actions. Baggage from past relationships can interfere. The potential of what could happen is alluring.
Sometimes we forget to stop and ask ourselves what really matters: do I even like being around this person?
For years I dated men who were cocky, disrespectful and not a whole lot of fun to be around. I didn’t want to invite them places, and they didn’t make me feel good about myself.
Now you might be thinking, “why the fuck did you date them??”
Well, they filled a lot of voids for me. At the time, that’s what I thought I needed.
But if I’d checked in with myself and thought about whether I’d even want to be friends with the guys, the answer would’ve been a very simple no.
Friendship builds the sturdiest foundations for relationships. I truly believe that.
If all the romance and sexual aspects of your relationship were removed, would you still spend your time with this person? If your answer is also no, then maybe there’s a reason you’re keeping them in your life that isn’t in your best interest.
Now, I’m sure at least one person will think, “but what if I ONLY want to be friends with them??” after reading this newsletter.
It’s also important to have chemistry and attraction, too. But those things can grow. The friendship part? It’s either there, or it’s not.
This tip might be simple, but it’s powerful. If you can honestly say you’d be friends with the person you’re dating, then you’re off to a great start!
As always, reply and let me know your thoughts!
Until next week!
All the love,
P.S. Until September 27th, ill be raising money by answering dating questions and donating the profits to @tallersalud to help Puerto Rico’s hurricane relief.
If you have a specific dating question you want answered AND you want to help thousands in need, then click here 🤍
P.S.S. I also have two more spots open for my 1:1 dating coaching. If this is something you’re interested in, book a free discovery call so we can chat more!
I have 2 spots open for 1:1 dating coaching! Book a free call to talk more here.
If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
Did you know I wrote a book about love? Grab your copy here.
Content You’ll Love:
Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Want to work together? Book a call here to chat and see if we’d be a good fit!