You're Not Being Too "Needy" 💜
Hey hopeful romantic,
So last week I talked about identifying what your triggers by recognizing when you engage in protest behaviors.
This week, I want to talk about what to do instead of engaging in protest behaviors that will slowly help you feel more secure.
But first…
I’ve put together a ✨ new workshop ✨ to teach you all about healthy communication.
If you’ve read my content for some time, you know that communication is my favorite thing to talk about when it comes to relationships. Many relationship issues boil down to poor communication.
This workshop is for you if:
You and your partner argue about the same problem over and over.
You have trouble getting your point across.
You don't feel understood during a fight.
You always feel small or disrespected.
You shut down or withdraw from your partner.
You're terrified one bad fight will end your relationship.
Like last time, tickets are limited so make sure to grab yours soon! Also, if you can’t make the live workshop, a recording will be sent out after.
The thing about protest behaviors is that we engage in them when our needs are unmet. To quote Amir Levine: “You’re only as needy as your unmet needs.”
That’s why it’s important to understand why you get triggered and want to engage in protest behaviors.
For me, I’d start excessively texting my past boyfriends when I felt like the relationship was at risk. The need that wasn’t being met was a sense of security.
In that instance, communication would’ve been my best weapon.
I could’ve told my partner that, at that moment, I didn’t feel safe and needed reassurance. If my need is then met, there’s no need for all those protest behaviors.
It’s this crucial step that makes a relationship between an anxiously attached person and an avoidantly attached person near impossible. When triggered, neither person is willing or able to meet the need of the other.
But at the end of the day, attachment styles are all about relationships. The work to being more secure is in the interactions between you and your partner/the people you date.
You’ll become more secure when someone shows you that relationships can be secure instead of a wild roller coaster.
What’s also helped me in the past is self-regulating activities that make me feel less triggered. Things like taking a walk, calling a friend, or playing with my dog are perfect examples.
Also, working on your self-confidence, in general, will help you create stronger boundaries and stand up and ask for your unmet needs.
So the next time you’re triggered, identify what you need instead of engaging in protest behaviors. Communicate that to your partner. Repeat until you feel more confident standing up for your needs.
Until next week ❤️
All the love,
Kirstie
Content You’ll Love:
Esther Perel Returns to Armchair Expert
5 Traits of a Great Life Partner (And How to Attract Them)
Post-lockdown separation anxiety in your relationship.
16 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Falling Out Of Love
20 Things About Love Most People Learn Too Late In Life
The Subtle Difference Between Romantic and Sexual Attraction