Your Attachment to Sex
Hey hopeful romantic,
Before I get into this week’s newsletter, I want you to know you only have a few more days to grab your ticket to my completely re-vamped Anxious Attachment Workshop.
In the workshop you’ll learn:
What attachment theory and protest behaviors are
Why an anxious attachment isn’t something to be ashamed of
Ways to self-soothe when you’re triggered
Mindset exercises to help rewire your brain
Plus, there will be a live Q&A at the end to ask all your questions
If you can’t make the workshop, a recording will be sent out after so you can watch it on your own time.
If feeling more secure in your love life sounds like something you want, then this workshop is for you! Use WWK5 for $5 off!
Now, let’s talk about sex. More specifically, how your anxious attachment affects it.
Generally, anxiously attached people attach a lot of meaning to sex. They either use it to confirm their partner loves them or to convince their partner to stay. They’re less likely to enjoy sex and only focus on the other person’s needs.
When they have sex with someone new, they become more attached to that person than a secure or avoidantly attached person would. They’re more likely to feel bad about their performance, the look of their body, and sex in general.
Sound like you?
While working towards feeling more secure in general can translate to your sex life, there are a few things that might help you in the meantime.
First, state your emotional needs and anything that’s worrying you. Engaging in sex might feel like the best way to know someone cares about you, but it’s equivalent to playing games. Instead, talk about what’s going on.
Try waiting to have sex until you feel emotionally safe with someone. Casual sex might not be for you. You might find that you’re happier and feel less triggered when you’ve gotten to know someone better.
Ask yourself, “what do I need to enjoy this more?” Maybe your partner isn’t doing as much foreplay as you’d like. Perhaps they’re doing things way too rough. Let them know before or during sex; that way, you can enjoy yourself more, too.
Know that intimacy can come in many forms. If what you want is to feel closer to your partner, explore different ways to be intimate, in addition to sex. Try talking about your hopes, dreams, and fears. Do a new activity together. Start creating gratitude lists for each other.
Your attachment style trickles into many aspects of your relationship, including the bedroom. Instead of letting your sex life suffer, you can work to change things for the better.
Just remember to advocate for your needs/pleasure and communicate with your partner.
Until next week!
All the love,
Kirstie
Content You’ll Love:
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I’m 27, I’ve Never Been In A Relationship, & I’m Starting To Think I Never Will Be
My Links:
Did you know I wrote a book? Grab your copy here.
I’m hosting a revamped, live attachment workshop! Grab your ticket here.
Have a dating/relationship question? Send it into my advice column.