Why You're Not Attracted To Healthy Partners + Special Offer!

Plus a discount code for the holidays!

Nov 12, 2021

Hey hopeful romantic,

I have a personal story to tell you. I once dumped my boyfriend. But before I get into that, I have a special offer for you!

Since it’s the holidays, I’m giving you a special discount on my anxious attachment workshop and anxious lover clothing line.

If you want to feel more secure in your love life or aren’t afraid to wear your feelings on your sleeve, then these are for you 💜

Use BLACKFRIDAY for 15% off my workshop or any clothes.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reply to this email and ask!

Back to my story…

About three years ago, I asked my boyfriend on a date after taking a year break from dating. We’d been friends for a few years, but I wanted to give us a shot romantically.

He was a textbook example of secure attachment. He texted me consistently, showed interest, and always planned our next date.

But that behavior made me want to push him away. I didn’t find it attractive. It made me feel highly uncomfortable.

So I sent him a text (not my best move) saying we should go back to being just friends.

And for six months, I felt like I had made a horrible decision. When we hung out, I kept seeing what a great guy he was. I knew I was physically attracted to him, but I didn’t understand why his healthy actions had grossed me out so much.

So I did a little research.

I found all of these reasons why people who were in unhealthy relationships aren’t attracted to healthy ones. That the relative calm of a stable relationship no longer feels exciting when you’re used to extreme ups and downs.

Let’s talk about a few of them:

A healthy relationship feels out of your comfort zone.

It’s a not-so-fun fact that we’re attracted to what’s familiar to us. If you’re used to dating people who mistreat you, you’re more likely to want people who will repeat that pattern.

The gratification isn’t instant.

Fighting, making up after arguments, wild “passion,” and everything in between elicits a lot of hormones. Some people become addicted to those feelings and don’t see the same instant gratification with healthy relationships.

You’ve been told good people are boring.

I’m sure you’ve been warned not to “settle” and that “nice guys” are boring. Well, those messages are working against you. Because healthy doesn’t equate to boring, it is much more calm than unhealthy, though.

Your guard is up.

When you’ve been hurt, it’s natural to be wary of anyone who seems too good to be true. But giving a relationship half a chance only keeps you from happiness.

You want to heal an old wound.

It’s said that we try to repeat our first wound to heal that wound. But getting into another unhealthy relationship isn't the answer to healing that wound that we desperately want.

After coming across this information and knowing I deserved a healthy relationship, I felt ready to work against my instinct to run from an emotionally stable partner.

Luckily, a friend’s going away party brought my boyfriend and me back together at the perfect time. We went out on another first date a few days later.

And it’s been two and half years since then.

Just because you aren’t attracted to healthy behaviors doesn’t mean your love life is doomed. Realizing why you may push people away is the first step. The next one is actively checking in with yourself while you date.

This is especially important if you have an anxious attachment since you’re more likely to attract avoidant people.

Remember: just because you’re weirded out by something doesn’t mean it’s unhealthy. Dig a little deeper the next time someone’s consistent communication makes you cringe a little.

Until next week!

All the love,

Kirstie