Why Having a "Type" Might Be Hurting You
Hey hopeful romantic,
Last night was the premiere of my new dating show, and it was WILD.
Wild because I had zero expectations of how it would go since it was very new to me, too. But also because I loved interacting with so many people.
That’s the thing about social media: as public as people are, sometimes it can feel lonely. But last night’s show was FAR from lonely.
This week, we’re talking about your “type” when it comes to dating.
If you’d asked me in college or in my early 20’s what my “type” was, I’d have responded with this list:
Confident
Funny
Tall
Blonde hair
Outdoorsy
And that’s about it.
But going through one unfulfilling relationship after another, I noticed how my “type” brought out the worst in me.
For example, I thought I was attracted to confidence, but it was cockiness.
That cockiness triggered my insecurities. I felt desperate for these guys’ approval and constantly on edge.
And even though I like being outside, I’m not in love with long hikes and camping. I’m not even sure where I picked up that whole “must be outdoorsy” criterion.
Don’t get me wrong: I had insecurities to work on, but I no longer wanted to be with people who triggered me or didn’t make me happy.
All of this is to say: my “type” was a very poor guide for finding my ideal relationship.
If you continuously get into relationships with emotionally unavailable people, there’s a chance your “type” is the culprit.
This can be because of a couple of reasons:
We’re attracted to people similar to our parents and who we, subconsciously, hope will heal the wounds our parents created.
We never received closure from past relationships, so we unconsciously repeat them, hoping for different outcomes.
We have limiting beliefs about ourselves, and instead of confronting them, we date people who confirm them.
Deep stuff, right?
So as much as you want a healthy relationship, you might not even be attracted to one because of everything I mentioned about.
Luckily, you can work past this with a bit of deep-diving into your past relationships and understanding your core values.
You can get out of the vicious cycle of dating people who bring you down.
Reply to this email and let me know your thoughts on this week’s email. Did you make any realizations about yourself?
Until next week!
All the love,
Kirstie
My Links:
If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
Did you know I wrote a book about love? Grab your copy here.
Not scared to wear your feelings on your sleeve? Check out my clothing line.
Have a dating/relationship question? Send it into my advice column.
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Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Want to learn more about working with me? Book a discovery call.