What's On Your Relationship Checklist?
Hey hopeful romantic,
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For this week’s newsletter, let’s talk about what’s on your relationship checklist. And by that, I mean: what are your dealbreakers and must-haves when determining if someone is relationship material.
Before I go any further, write down your list of what you want in your ideal partner. Don’t judge yourself or hold any detail back—the more honest, the better.
We’ll come back to that list in a bit.
I’ll be blunt with this one: most peoples’ lists are pretty shit. They think surface-level qualities matter more than they do. Their dealbreakers are more so pet peeves or minor dislikes.
I’ll use myself as an example:
Several years ago I tried the whole manifestation thing and wrote down who I thought my perfect partner would be. It included details like being over 6’2”, loving Harry Potter, having blonde hair and being an avid outdoorsman.
But all those qualities were just preferences. What really matters to me is patience, kindness, willingness to grow with me, and respect. My partner’s hair color and if they love to camp don’t affect our day-to-day lives.
Now, I want you to go through your list. How many of the qualities you wrote down are merely physical appearance and their hobbies/interests?
Sure, there may be expectations. If you work in the movie industry, you may want someone who at least enjoys movies; that’s fine. But cross out all the other qualities that are part of someone’s exterior.
How many qualities are left?
If there aren’t many, I want you to ask yourself a few questions that might help you come up with more:
What qualities in your friends/family make you feel most loved? Most supported?
What didn’t you like about your past relationships? What did you like?
Are you sensitive? How have people handled that in the past? How would you like them to have handled it?
The point of all of this isn’t to get you to change the kind of partner you want drastically. But I do want to open your eyes to what truly matters, so you don’t accidentally let a potentially great match pass you by.
While we’re at it, let’s talk about the difference between a dealbreaker and a pet peeve, too.
The number of times I’ve heard people say “he breathed out of his mouth” or “her voice sounded weird” as reasons to not see someone for a second date is appalling.
Look, I get it. Sometimes someone’s mannerisms can give us a cringe feeling. But those are simply pet peeves. Stick around someone long enough, and you’ll probably find a few in anyone you date.
When you take a moment to consider this, you may realize that what you think is a dealbreaker is just a minor annoyance. Give the person a couple more dates. You may find that pet peeve starts to fade into the background once you know them better.
Dating is hard enough. Meeting a great person can feel near impossible. Don’t let a long checklist of qualities that won’t even play a partner in someone making a great partner hold you back from finding a relationship that makes you happy.
Until next week!
All the love,
Kirstie
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