What're Your Dating Values?

Apr 16, 2021

Hey hopeful romantic!

I have VERY exciting news. The official release date for my book is April 21st, which is next week!

All of the pre-order books will ship then. If you haven’t already, grab a copy of my book, shoot me an email, and I’ll send a special gift your way!

Now onto why I’m in your inbox…

What matters to you most in dating? Maybe it’s that you date someone attractive; it’s reasonable to want to be attracted to your partner. Perhaps you want someone on the same “level”; whatever that means to you.

But at what point do your values come into the equation? Ones you hope you share or at least expect to be respected?

Do you even know what values matter to you when it comes to dating?

This week, I want you to consider your dating life beyond surface-level qualities. I want to dive down into what really matters for you when choosing someone to be with in a relationship.

Uncovering what actually matters to you in another person isn’t easy. I spent the majority of my dating life thinking certain qualities mattered that I couldn’t care less about now.

It wasn’t until I reflected on what went right and wrong in my past and finally experienced healthy love that I realized what mattered most to me.

Values really are what make the difference between fun love and fun and fulfilling love. But they’re also not the same for every single person. Your values won’t be the same as mine or your friends, so you have to figure them out for yourself.

To help, I put together a list of questions you can answer to help guide you to figuring out what matters most to you in life (and, therefore, a partner).

What makes you feel the safest with someone?

For me, patience and understanding make me feel safe with someone. I tend to overthink and worry a lot. When I started dating my boyfriend, I admired how patient he was with me. It made me feel at home with him.

Maybe yours is feeling understood, someone who always has your back, respect, or empathy.

Who do you admire most in your life and why?

A great way to decide what values you enjoy in people you spend your time with is by thinking about someone you greatly admire.

What qualities make you want to be around them? What do they have that you rarely see in other people?

When have you felt disrespected or misunderstood?

How did that person act? What was the scenario? What was it about them that made you feel unsafe?

Something I actively avoid in people is a big ego. A few of my ex-boyfriends had one, and it caused them to see things through a lens of their needs being met, even if it hurt me.

They helped me realize how much I value humility.

How do you respond to people when you’re afraid?

Do you shut off from people? Or do you cling to them? Are you the kind of person to lash out?

Or do you tend to resolve conflict quickly?

Understanding how you handle an argument is a value you may want to look for in a partner. If you tend to cling to people but are dating someone who shuts down, it’ll be hard to get to a place where you can healthily resolve problems.

What makes you feel most fulfilled?

Understanding how you feel most fulfilled means you can find a partner who either encourages, helps, supports, or participates with you.

Because the last thing you want is to be with a partner who holds you back from living a fulfilling life.

What qualities in other people make you want to be your authentic self?

I want you to think of the person you can be your truest, weirdest self with. Maybe it’s your sister or best friend, or colleague.

Now, what is it about them that makes you feel so comfortable? Are they non-judgemental? Is your humor the same? Are they uninhibited? Do they give zero fucks about what other people think?

If you can figure this out about that person, you’re looking at a solid value that you should consider adding to your dating criteria.

This week’s activity: After going through these questions, what values came up for you? Were there any that you didn’t realize matter a lot to you?

Reply and let me know! I read every email and try to respond to as many as I can.

Until next week ❤️

All the love,

Kirstie