What Is Relationship OCD?

May 21, 2021

Hey hopeful romantic!

Do any of the following sound like you?

You second guess if you’re good enough for your partner/the people you date.
You doubt if your partner is “the one” even though they’re great and you love them.
You don’t get close to people because you’re scared of being with the wrong person.

If so, then you might relate to something known as Relationship OCD (ROCD). It’s something I massively struggle with and want to bring to your awareness.

But first…

If you have an anxious or anxious-avoidant attachment, listen up!

I’m hosting my first online workshop to help you feel more secure in your love life. It’s specifically for anyone whose anxieties get in the way of dating/relationships.

So if you:

Feel unconfident with the people you date.
Swipe for validation or seek it from your partner.
Are scared to be close to people.
Lose yourself in whoever you date.
Have trouble setting boundaries and asking for your needs.

Then this workshop is for you! We’ll talk about common struggles for anxiously attached people, how they hold you back, and ways to feel more secure in your love life.

The workshop is happening on June 9th at 6 pm PST.

Secure Your Ticket Here!

First: I want to be clear that I’m not here to diagnose you with ROCD or even downplay OCD itself.

But, I hope that by talking about ROCD, you can either seek help if you think you struggle with it or find similarities between yourself and what I write. Thus, finding a bit of guidance on how to manage your worries.

So what is ROCD?

Relationship OCD is when someone is consumed with doubts about their relationship and/or themself. They’ll question everything from their love, compatibility, attraction, and their partner’s love for them.

A few signs of ROCD:

You constantly research articles on “successful” relationships or signs that a relationship isn’t meant to be.
You nitpick your partner’s every move to find signs they don’t love you.
You create rules that show your partner isn’t right for you if your partner doesn't follow them.
Thinking that passion should be constant throughout a relationship.
Comparing your relationship to other people’s on social media or who you know IRL.
Constantly questioning things.

How to help with your thoughts:

It’s important to say that if your obsessive thoughts and habits are drastically interfering with your happiness/ability to live, find a therapist. No article or newsletter will give you the help you need like a professional can.

Take inventory of your thoughts. What are your most common concerns? Is there something your partner or the person you’re dating does that triggers your doubt/self-criticism?

By recognizing when and what thoughts come up for you, you can start to question and re-wire them.

Make sure your needs are being met. You won’t fix your doubt of feeling unloved if your partner never tells you how much they love you. Your thoughts might be a result of an unmet need.

If you have solid evidence for the way you feel, your thoughts are valid concerns.

Make a list of all the positives. It’s easier for our minds to focus on everything bad. But if you’re someone who obsesses over them, you need to help yourself re-focus on the positives.

Write down all the things you love and appreciate about your partner. While you’re at it, create a similar list for yourself.

Be open with your partner. Don’t feel like your thoughts have to live in secrecy. Even if you’re having doubts about whether your partner is right for you, talk about them.

Sure, it may upset them. But it gives you both a chance to make sense of what’s going on. If something’s wrong in the relationship, your partner can help fix it.

Remember not to feel bad for having these thoughts. Many people have moments of doubt with their relationship, including me. But then I remind myself that finding a life partner isn’t about passion or perfection.

It’s about finding someone who is patient, kind, and is willing to grow with you throughout life.

This week’s activity: What obsessive thoughts are you struggling with in your relationship or dating life? How do you think they hold you back?

Now, think of what beliefs you’d like to replace those thoughts. Or, at the very least, a reaffirming thought that you rationally know is more likely.

Reply and let me know! I read everyone’s emails and try to write back to everyone that I can.

Until next week ❤️

All the love,

Kirstie