Wanting Reassurance Isn't "Needy"
Hey hopeful romantic,
A Tiktok trend inspired this week’s newsletter. No, really.
Recently, a trend went viral where people described something they once thought was normal in a relationship but later found out it wasn’t. Here’s mine if you want a reference and to check out my phenomenal acting.
One guy did the trend explaining how he assumed asking for reassurance in his relationship was annoying. But his boyfriend replied that it’s totally normal to want a little reassurance from your partner.
Mind blown, right?
As people with anxious attachments, we’re made to feel like our emotions and needs are irrational. Seeing something like that Tiktok video might question your whole reality.
And good. It should.
Wanting reassurance in a relationship is very normal.
Think of it this way: you’d want assurance or recognition from your boss for the effort you put in at work. When you won an award at school, it was reasonable to want your parents’ acknowledgment.
So why should a relationship be an exception?
What often happens is that someone insecure will date an emotionally distant person. When the insecure person’s attempts to emotionally connect are ignored or, worse, put down, it creates a belief in them that there’s something wrong with asking for your needs to be met.
Now, this isn’t to say that you should overwhelm your partner with a constant need for reassurance. Too much isn’t good either.
If you’re worried this might be you, chances are you’re experiencing one of two things:
You don’t feel confident about who you are so you look to your partner to fill that void.
Or, repeatedly having your bids for connection denied makes you want reassurance more.
By figuring out which of these scenarios is happening in your relationship, you can better understand how to move forward.
Now you might be wondering, “how do I ask for assurance without sounding awkward or annoying?” which is a great question.
Having a general conversation with your partner about how you struggle with feeling secure in a relationship will help. That way, when you come to them asking for some reassurance, they know why you’re asking and can feel better prepared to help.
For me, I say something like, “I’ve been feeling insecure lately. Can you give me some love?” But feel free to word that in whatever way feels natural.
The important thing is that you be straightforward about your request. The last thing you want is to think you’re asking for one thing, but your partner missed the hint. Your expectations will be sorely disappointed.
Everyone struggles with something. Wanting reassurance is one way your partner can help you feel more secure in the relationship. Don’t feel bad about it.
Hopefully, this all made you feel more reassured about reassurance. You deserve to know you’re loved and wanted.
Until next week!
All the love,
Kirstie
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