Two Truths and a Lie
Is it ever ok to not tell the truth in a relationship?
Hey hopeful romantics,
It's been a WEEK. Moving is not easy. Especially during a pandemic. Especially when it's with your boyfriend for the first time. Especially when you're a bit too controlling and are just now realizing it.
Hi, I'm Kirstie, and my life is kinda crazy. (got that from TikTok; who am I?)
But I'm sure it has been a week (or year) for almost all of you.
This week, let's talk about lies: white, bold-faced, broken promises, all kinds.
Because I recently read an article by someone advocating for six lies that are okay to tell in relationships. The comments are littered with controversy and backlash. It's thrilling, and I spent way too much time reading them.
Anywho, the question arose in my mind: is lying ever okay?
*Cue flashback*
About a week ago, amongst the chaos of moving into our new place, my boyfriend presented me with a surprise. Adorned on top of the writing desk we bought for me to work-from-home was a PC setup. I agreed to the idea of a desktop computer, but the accessories, not so much. I thought computers came in the old-fashion black and grey.
Wow, was I wrong.
I guess in the gaming world, there are a lot of light-up keyboard pads and see-through blinking computer parts. Even the mouse lights up. Not exactly what I was going for with my mid-century modern decor.
After my boyfriend's setup reveal, I was left with a choice: lie about how great it all looked or tell my boyfriend how much I hated the setup.
I chose the latter.
Was that the right choice? I have no idea. But we've always been radically honest with each other, so I wasn't going to stop now.
I want to say there's room for lies in a relationship. The article I read talked about lying for the sake of your partner's feelings. If they get you a crappy gift, act like you love it merely because of the thought. It's a white lie... no biggie, right?
But I can't help but disagree.
A relationship is two people coming together. It's two people understanding each other's preferences. It's two people tackling life's obstacles together.
It's not one person pretending to love a computer setup and the other blindly believing their words.
Being honest about how much I don't like my boyfriend's light-up gadgets opened a conversation. My boyfriend and I agreed: the lights are turned off when he's not gaming. Done. Simple as that. He preferred I love it as much as he does, but we understand we won't always agree.
Because the alternative would be to spare his feelings at the expense of my comfortability. That's not compromising. To me, that's manipulative.
Staying quiet is a sure-fire way to build up resentment. Rather than talk things out and grow as a couple, you're opting for their momentary happiness instead of a long-term understanding. I believe, long-term, this builds up into something toxic for any relationship.
But these are my thoughts.
What do you think? Is it ever okay to lie in a relationship?
Some helpful content…
I love this story about this woman's choice of radical honesty with her boyfriend. To play devil's advocate, here are some times lying might be okay. Then there's also withholding vs. lying. And an explanation on how and when we learn to lie.
Announcement: I've launched an advice column with iris Dating, Ask iris. If you want, write-in a question for the chance for me to not only answer it but have it published on their blog, EQ!
Until next week... stay sane & healthy.
All the love,
Kirstie
Book Update:
My edits came back from my developmental editor! Now it's time to dive back into implementing those edits and writing the rest of my book.
It's pretty wild to think about since I've essentially taken a month break from my books. Getting back into the mindset feels overwhelming.
Btw, if you're reading this bit and want to be a beta reader for me, let me know! I'd love to get some thoughts on it before it heads to print.
Writing Corner:
This little bit is for all of my fellow writers. Did you know I co-host a mastermind for content writers?
It's a community for ambitious writers who want to learn straightforward information on how the business works. We host two events each month: a workshop and live Q&A. Our next event is a workshop on July 17th about building your content writing business.
Interested? Check it out here or email me with questions!
Articles I Wrote:
Ask iris: "Why won't my boyfriend introduce me to anyone?"
A Few Dating Habits to Break For a Better Love Life
How To Handle Dating Rejection Like A Pro
Content I Loved:
7 Reasons People Ghost That Have Nothing To Do With You
How to deal when your partner's in a bad mood