Things you stop chasing once you realize your value

For many people, there’s a wound deep inside them. I had this wound. You probably have it too. Let’s call it a value wound.

You see, a lot of us grow up believing we need to prove our worth. Maybe it’s to the father who never gave us praise. To the pretty girls in high school who mocked our clothes. Or maybe it’s a product of the culture we live in; the one that makes us want, need, and crave more. To be better. To be someone else.

The value wound manifests in all kinds of ways. Hustle culture that demands we eat, sleep, and breathe productivity. Podcasts hosted by people who prefer cold plunges over therapy. The ache of lying next to someone beautiful, yet still feeling unseen.

I’m not knocking the unrealized drive to heal the value wound. I’ve been there. I wanted that stamp of approval so badly. Sometimes, I still do. Often without even realizing it.

But when you look to the external to fix what’s broken inside, nothing ever feels like enough. The fame, the success, the money, the beauty. It still won’t fill the void. You won’t feel like enough.

I often wonder why unworthiness feels so internal, and I’ve come to one conclusion: your worth is inherent. It can’t be added to or taken away. That’s why Beyoncé is no more valuable than the man taking out the trash at her concerts. The pedestal only exists because we put people on it. Strip everything away, and people, all people, are worthy.

That includes me. That includes you.

The moment you stop living like you're unworthy and start owning your worth, everything shifts. You realize the things you’ve been chasing— success, approval, admiration— were never the point.

And when that realization hits, life starts to feel a lot lighter.

So if you’re reading this and you’re thinking you might want to go down a different path, one where your worth isn’t up for debate, here are a few things you’ll have to stop chasing.

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Proving People Wrong

Is there a small, stubborn part of you that still wants to prove your parents wrong? Or maybe you catch your reflection and start imagining the glow-up that’ll make your ex regret ever breaking your heart.

Maybe you’re like I was: someone who desperately wanted everyone from high school to see me thriving online, living a life they never could.

But here’s the truth about those desires: they’re a fast track to a miserable life.

These narratives are rooted in the belief that your life’s purpose is to prove your worth to people who likely haven’t thought about you in years. And when your energy is wrapped up in being seen, you forget to ask yourself what actually brings you joy.

Even if you get the validation, it’s fleeting. What’s not fleeting is the time and energy you spent building a life that doesn’t even bring you joy.

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Happiness

Why do we treat happiness like it’s a prize? Like a new car, promotion, or milestone will finally unlock some permanent, blissful state?

Think about the things you once wanted and eventually got. If you’re honest, the happiness they brought probably didn’t last long. Now you’re here again. Wanting more. And when you get that, you’ll want more again.

That’s the trap of the pursuit of happiness. It’s a pursuit. It’s always just out of reach.

But if happiness were only a reward, why do people from all walks of life— rich or poor, thriving or struggling— still manage to feel it? Why can a single shift in mindset make someone stop and smile at the way sunlight hits edge of a flower petal?

Because happiness isn’t something you earn. It’s something you choose. It’s always been around you.

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The future

Everyone’s been fed the same dream: mansion, money, followers, and someone attractive to post about. Sound familiar?

But have you ever stopped to ask if that’s your dream? Or if you're just chasing someone else’s version of success?

For me, the answer was no. I’d rather have a job that brings me joy than one that earns applause. I want a partner who’s kind and grounding, not just someone who photographs well. Owning multiple homes sounds exhausting, and fancy cars have never really interested me.

I’m not sure why but the future never interested me that much. Maybe my anxiety keeps me too wrapped up in the present, but the good thing about that is: I care more about the life I’m living right now. I’ve realized that I can feel fulfilled in the present. I don’t have to wait or become more to deserve what I want.

I’ve got nothing to prove. I’m just enjoying the ride.

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People who don’t invest in you

People with low self-esteem often struggle in dating. They don’t set boundaries. They don’t believe they deserve healthy love.

Instead of letting love find them, they chase it. They try to convince someone to choose them, rather than asking if they even want that person in the first place.

That’s how people end up in messy, unfulfilling relationships. They don’t leave. And it’s not because they’re happy. They don’t believe they deserve better.

And this goes for any relationship, not just romantic.

When you realize your worth, that all changes. You stop pouring yourself into people who let you spill onto the ground. You stop bending over backward to earn love. You stop choosing pain just to feel wanted. To not be alone.

You understand that one-sided relationships aren’t enough and never has been. You start meeting your own needs instead of outsourcing them.

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A career that’s unfulfilling

Social media is flooded with voices telling twenty-somethings to close their eyes, grind, and build a life they can enjoy... in their forties. It glamorizes the idea of working yourself to the bone. Of sacrificing your youth so you can finally relax decades later.

And look, I’m not knocking financial stability. Life costs money. And not everyone will be able to work somewhere they love. What bothers me about internet hustle culture is the message it sells: the more successful you are, the more valuable you are.

But once you start valuing yourself, that logic unravels. Working hard on something you care about? Absolutely. But day-trading or drop-shipping junk you couldn’t care less about just for the promise of six figures? No thanks.

Before I found writing, I took a job in recruiting. During the interview, my future boss told me he wanted to hear that I’d work hard because I wanted the commission more than anything. Lacking any real understanding of what actually motivated me, I nodded and echoed his words.

For months, I got to the office by 7 a.m. and didn’t leave until 7 p.m. Weekends included.

I was miserable. I didn’t see my friends. I stopped working out. My sleep tanked, and the more I pushed myself, the more mistakes I made. It felt like the harder I worked, the further I got from the goal I claimed to care about.

When you recognize your worth, you begin to value your time. You won’t trade Thanksgiving with your family for a paycheck. You won’t sacrifice sleep for a few more “grind” hours.

You stop chasing external validation and start investing in what actually matters: your happiness.

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This isn’t a judgment of anyone currently chasing these things. It’s just an invitation to look deeper. To ask why we do the things we do. If you find yourself pursuing something that no longer feels meaningful, it might be time to redefine what happiness looks like specifically for you.

Because at the heart of all this— beneath the need to prove, achieve, or impress— is the desire to feel worthy.

And that worthiness? It’s always been in you.