The Worst Words You Could Use In Love

They're called absolute words and they absolutely drive me insane.

Hey hopeful romantics,

I’m excited to be in your inboxes again. Things are hectic with the holidays— between buying gifts and re-watching all of the cheesy Netflix Rom-Coms, my days are packed.

I’m excited to say that my book is close to being completed! It’s going through final rounds of edits, and we’re making final decisions on the cover design.

When January comes (and pre-orders begin), I’ll be through-the-roof-excited. I’ll definitely be doing some sort of giveaway with all of you; a thank you to everyone that reads my words every week. ❤️

Anywho. On to why we’re all here…


I was reading this Reddit thread about dating (which I linked below) that lead me to an endless black hole of subReddits.

Over and over, I read comments like, “women ALWAYS act like this” or “men NEVER do that.” It was jarring. Could they really not fathom that one person out there could be an outlier?

I sat there thinking, “well, their point makes no sense. My boyfriend and I don’t act like that. And I know for a fact we’re not alone.”

It bothered me because these people limit themselves to thinking everyone (specific to a gender, usually) acts a certain way. And most likely, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. They think something like all men ghost, anticipate that to be the case, and then subconsciously act in certain ways that make people want to pull away.

All over a statement that’s simply not true.

I got a bit heated about these “never” and “all” statement because it’s relationship conflict 101 to not use absolutes when you fight.

If you go to your partner yelling, “you never take out the trash!” they’ll become defensive and respond, “yes, I did last month!” Which, when you think deeper about it, isn’t the point.

Someone whose partner doesn’t take out the trash isn’t necessarily mad about the garbage. What they’re feeling is perhaps disrespect, unsupported, or like their partner isn’t doing their fair share.

By coming to their partner and saying, “I feel unsupported when you promise to take out the trash and don’t. I need help around the house because I’m so busy with work,” then the truth is laid out on the table, and both people can agree.

Things in life very rarely tend to be absolutes. But by thinking they are, you start to make those beliefs a reality.

Because the fact is, you can think all men are cheats are all women want your money, but that’s simply not the case. Perhaps the correct phrasing you’re looking for is that all people you dated were like that. Or, at the very least, the ones that hurt you.

Reading those comments made me think that those people’s dating choices are the issue, not a whole gender. They’re most likely picking emotionally unavailable or materialistic people without realizing they are.

Thus, the self-fulfilling prophecy.

My point is, stop yourself when you start to talk or think in absolutes.

Is it true that your partner “never” tells you they love you? Or do you wish they said it more often?

Are all men just after sex? Or are you not very good at weeding out people whose intentions aren’t the same as yours?

The more you question the way you think, the closer you’ll get to having more control over your love life. Sometimes, the obstacle is us. But with a bit of effort, that can be changed.

What do you think? Do you suffer from absolute thinking? Let me know!

Until next week my lovely reader ❤️

All the love,

Kirstie


Content I Loved:

7 Cute Ways To Cheer Up Your S.O. If They're Having A Bad Day

This very interesting Reddit thread about feeling lonely when dating.

The Science of Attraction (with Amy Chan) (Podcast)

The Pandemic Arrived. His Text Back Did Not.

How to STOP Obsessing Over Someone and START Letting Go

Articles I Wrote:

Ask iris: "I opened up to my boyfriend about my mental health. He fell asleep."

5 Concepts By John Gottman That Could Help Strengthen Your Relationship

How Blaming The Pandemic Could Help Your Relationship

How To Break Negative Dating Patterns and Improve Your Love Life


Book Update:

*If you're new to this newsletter and my work, I'm currently writing on a book, What I Wish I Knew About Love, that's set to come out early 2021 with Thought Catalog Books.*

My manuscript is being sent in for its last round of edits. These are, what’s known as, copyedits. Essentially everything from missed punctuation to misspelled words.

Things are moving quickly!