The "Nice Guy"

Hey hopeful romantics,

This week has been draining. Did anyone else feel the same?

I’m in desperate need of a weekend away (responsibly socially distanced, of course). If you have ideas for the surrounding Southern California area, let me know!

I talked about my dating app adventures in my last email. I briefly mentioned one guy with whom I had a less-than-great conversation.

Things started out promising, but I quickly realized this man was a bit jaded when it came to women. He had a "woe is me" attitude.

Like I've said in practically all of my writing, when you experience the same issue over and over, the one common factor is... you.

There's something about your dating choices and patterns that continue you down the same path. To make real change, you have to look at your behaviors.

But this guy wasn't having that.

He proceeded to wonder why "nice guys finish last"— self-proclaiming himself as one of these nice guys. Yet, I kid you not, a mere two responses later, he was talking about how he deserved a woman who was attractive and physically fit.

*Sigh*

It got me wondering how often men say they're "nice guys" but are complete assholes with unresolved issues. My guess is, it's more often than not. From observing the men in my life, genuinely nice guys don't label themselves as one.

To further satiate my curiosity about this, there's an entire subreddit with MILLIONS of readers on this exact narrative of "nice guys" being jerks in disguise. Needless to say, I dug deep into the threads.

And I don't want to act like this only occurs with men. People across all genders and sexes can play a nice person victim. But I'm going to use "nice guy" for the sake of what the label implies.

So how do we filter a "nice guy" from a genuinely good person?

I've come up with some indicators:


  1. A "nice guy" will seem disingenuous and like they're putting on a show. A genuinely good person exudes sincerity.

  2. A "nice guy" will make you feel bad for questioning their motives. A decent human being will understand you need time to warm up to them.

  3. A "nice guy" makes jokes at your expense. A good person will make actually funny jokes.

  4. "Nice guys" will overcompensate (compliment you too much, overtip). A genuine person will act in a way that you don't question their behaviors.

  5. A "nice guy" talks shit about colleagues and friends (perhaps in a joking manner) and makes you feel bad if you're offended. A genuine person will vent, but not to a point where you're uncomfortable.

  6. A "nice guy" will act and then apologize. A good person will think and then act.

  7. A "nice guy" calls themself nice. A genuinely nice person shows you they're nice.

I wish it weren't the case that people are deceiving, especially during a vulnerable process like dating but c'est la vie.

Hopefully, by knowing the signs between a "nice" person and a jerk-in-disguise, you can better arm yourself against their deception.


How are you liking my ventres into the world of people dating on Bumble and Hinge? Let me know if you find it interesting and want me to continue. I’ve definitely enjoyed it.

Until next week my amazing readers.

In the meantime, have a great weekend and, as always, thank you for being a dedicated reader.

All the love,

Kirstie


Book Update:

I'm looking for beta readers!

If you want to be part of the process of creating my book, shoot me an email. You won't have to read the whole book, just a few chapters, so that you can give me feedback.

I'd be eternally grateful. 💕


Writing Corner:

I'm doing a free AMA (Ask me anything) with my friend and fellow freelance writer, Eva Gutierrez.

It's happening next week on Thursday, September 3rd, at 12pm PST. If you want to join, reply to this email with "I'm in!" and I'll send you the details.


Articles I Wrote:

Ask iris: "Do I Give My Ex A Second Chance After She Cheated?

This Might Be the Reason Why You're Afraid to Love Again

How To Feel Confident When Making New Friends

Write Now with Kirstie Taylor (an interview I did with The Writing Cooperative)

Thinking About Ghosting? Try These Easy Texts Instead.

Content I Loved:

Preparing Your Mind for Uncertain Times

Pandemic Dating Is Hard—But Hasn't Dating Always Been Difficult?

How to Safely Practice Non-Monogamy During the Pandemic

5 Behaviors That Mean Someone Sees You As Just A Friend