The Best Tool For Getting Over An Ex
Hey hopeful romantic,
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been through a breakup. Honestly, if you didn’t raise your hand, LUCKY YOU!
Most everyone has dated enough to see one relationship end. And it would be an understatement to say that breakups completely suck. They’re painful, confusing, and oftentimes make you re-think who you are.
That’s why I’m sharing with you the best tool to help you get over a breakup or finally move on from your ex.
But first! I’m doing a giveaway! I want to say thank you for being a loyal reader and celebrate my newsletter hitting 2,500 subscribers.
That’s INSANE! I appreciate you so much!
As you might’ve guessed, I’m doing a giveaway of my book, What I Wish I Knew About Love. If you don’t already know, my book is broken up into four main sections: Breakups, Self-love, Dating, and Relationships.
To enter the giveaway, you must live in the United States and do two things:
Share this newsletter with two of your friends who you think could benefit from the content. You can simply forward it.
Reply to this email and let me know which of the four sections I mentioned you’re most interested in reading.
That’s it! I’ll pick 3 people randomly to send my book too!
Good luck, and I can’t wait to see which sections you all are most stoked about!
Now, onto that breakup tool.
A couple of years ago, I stumbled upon this tool for getting over someone. It’s based on the idea that much of the hurt you feel from a breakup is because people tend to romanticize the relationship when it ends.
By that, I mean: you only remember the good parts.
This tool attempts to help you see the relationship more clearly without all those lovey-dovey moments clouding your mind.
The first step is to take out a journal (or your Notes app because I know this is 2021).
Title the page Breakup List.
Now, spend some time thinking about everything that you didn’t like about your ex or any specific incidents when they hurt or upset you.
No detail is too small or petty. We’re not trying to take the high road with this list since you’re the only one who will see it. In one of my breakup lists, I wrote down that I hated my ex’s beard. In the grand scheme of relationships, facial hair isn’t a big deal. But it’s crucial for this exercise.
Once you have your list filled out, take it with you everywhere. During those moments when you can’t stop thinking about your ex or really miss them, pull out your list and read it.
Having a list of all the bad in one place can help center your mind and remember that things weren’t as perfect as your mind might trick you into thinking.
Now you might be thinking, “but I accepted and loved their flaws!” which is beautiful. Regardless, I still want you to write down those things you learned to accept.
Or perhaps you’re dying to say, “but they were perfect!” In that case, you were most likely in a relationship where you idealized the person. The hard truth is, no one is perfect. If you can’t think of a single flaw, it’d be worth researching idealizing, and understand why you engage in it.
That’s it! That’s the tool.
The breakup list has helped me get through many tear-filled nights. It’s been what filled that hollow pit in my stomach when I missed my ex.
I hope it can do the same for you.
This week’s activity: Since I’m doing a giveaway this week, I won’t have an activity. I’ll already be receiving many replies.
BUT, if you have any questions about the breakup list, feel free to ask them. I read every email I receive and try to reply to as many as I can.
Until next week ❤️
All the love,
Kirstie
Content You’ll Love:
Stop Spending Time on Things You Hate
8 Red Flags in a Relationship That You Shouldn’t Ignore
It's Actually Kind of Fine to ‘Keep Score’ in Relationships
‘I’m Sad Over a Relationship That Never Even Happened’
How To Get Over Someone: The Ultimate Guide
Articles I Wrote:
Ask iris: "My anxious attachment style is ruining my relationship. Help!"
Hi Kirstie, I love very much the way you are trying to help people in understanding they’re relationships. That’s very nice and by the way it helps yourself in many ways I’m sure, so congrats 👏🏼 ! And bonjour from France...! I had a simple question, please, if you have a minute or two... do you feel if somebody’s (a man, upper average look, at 55) who lacked the love of his real mother (been abandonnée then adopted at 2 1/2), and never had a strong confidence in himself (but being a devoted talented) musician could ever succeed finding a nice and pretty young lady to love, and maybe create at last a family of their own ? I’m asking this because, even if a pro psy is advising me, I really feel desperate to still be single since 14months, at my age (my last partner didn’t want kids )and still so romantic minded... . so I seriously think of taking my life, caused it could be so bad, getting old like this. Thanks Kirstie, and sorry for this sad story of mine... Richard