Take Back Your Power in Dating
Hey hopeful romantic,
Do you wonder what’s wrong with you when you don’t with that cute guy on Hinge?
Do you overthink when your date from last week doesn’t text you back right away?
Are you focused on what your dates think of you rather than what you think of them?
If so, you’re giving your power away when you date, and there are a few reasons why that’s not doing you any favors for your love life.
Someone who feels powerless on dates isn’t showing up as their happiest, authentic self.
Giving up your power means becoming a victim to whoever comes into your life.
Why do you do this? Why is it so damn hard to maintain a sense of power and feel secure in yourself to date from a more calm, assured place?
Well, chances are, it’s because you don’t believe you’re enough.
One of my favorite movies of all time is The Holiday. In it, the sweet elderly character, Arthur, explains to one of the main characters:
“In the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.”
The best friend lets life happen to them.
The best friend plays victim to their circumstance.
The best friend fades into the background.
It’s time you stop being the best friend and start acting like the main character you are.
So let’s talk about how you can take your power back in dating.
Identify what you really want from a relationship.
Wanting connection is beautiful. But what kind of connection? With what kind of person?
While you may think that any ole connection will do, I’m sure that’s not the case.
Instead of taking what’s given to you, become clear on what you want and don’t settle for less.
Build trust with yourself.
You were born with an unlimited amount of confidence. It was your outside world that tore down your confidence over the years.
So, just like it took time to make you feel insecure, it’ll take time to build up enough confidence to be able to trust yourself again.
But it can be done if you take small steps.
Send the first text saying you had a good time on your date.
Be the one to initiate a conversation with the cute barista.
Ask the person next to you in the elevator how their day is going.
Then rejoice in the simple fact that you didn’t die doing the things that scared you.
Become more comfortable with rejection.
When you take your power back in dating, you’re going to experience rejection more often.
You’re holding firm on your boundaries and standards, and some people won’t like that.
By learning to become comfortable with rejection, the easier it will be to hold out for the kind of relationship you want.
Because the fact is, rejection rarely is personal. And if you’re sure about what you do want from love, you’ll start to realize it’s simply a redirect.
Be open to receiving more.
When you give your power away, it’s usually because you place your dates on a pedestal.
You’re interested in knowing more about them.
You deflect compliments to put the spotlight back on them.
You want to help them.
But what about you?
You deserve the spotlight. You deserve the help. You deserve to be seen.
Realize that no one is coming to save you.
All of these uncomfortable feelings you have in dating won’t change unless you change them.
A relationship won’t save you from yourself.
You won’t wake up and magically believe everything you’ve read on those self-help Instagrams.
You have to put in the work. You have to take back your power.
I’ll leave you with a final quote from Brene Brown:
“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging— your worthiness— is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.”
If you have any questions about taking your power back in dating, reply to this email and let me know.
Until next week!
All the love,
Kirstie
P.S. I have 4 more spots open for 1:1 coaching.
If you want to take your power back in dating, build your self-worth, and finally find a fulfilling relationship, I can help you do that.
You can book a free discovery call here to learn more about my program.
My Links:
If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
Did you know I wrote a book about love? Grab your copy here.
Not scared to wear your feelings on your sleeve? Check out my clothing line.
Have a dating/relationship question? Send it into my advice column.
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Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Want to learn more about working with me? Here’s more info.