Setting Holiday Boundaries + Black Friday Discount 💜

Nov 19, 2021

Hey hopeful romantic,

It’s wild to think that the end of the year is approaching so fast. Just next week is Thanksgiving, and then the December holidays roll in.

So it seemed pretty fitting to talk about boundaries, especially ones you can set with your partner, friends, and (most importantly) family during the holidays.

But, before we dive into that, I want to remind you that my Anxious Attachment workshop and Anxious Lover clothing line are both on sale right now. For several more days, you can use BLACKFRIDAY for 15% off.

Now, let’s talk about boundaries.

Boundaries aren’t meant to keep people out of your life. They’re not to hurt others. They’re what you need to feel safe.

During the holiday season, boundaries are crucial to have. If your family makes your anxiety spiral or your friends ask too much of you, then nows is as good a time as any to start drawing some boundaries.

An excellent place to start with setting boundaries is:

“I feel _ when _ because _. What I need from you is _.”

So what kind of boundaries benefit an anxious person?

Alone Time:

“I feel overwhelmed when I don’t have enough alone time. What I need is to go in my room around 9 pm to re-charge every night.”
“I feel triggered by the comment you made because it’s a sensitive topic for me. I need to take a walk. I’ll be back in 20 minutes.”

Triggering Subjects:

“_ subject is a sensitive topic for me. Can we change the topic?”
“I feel upset by your comment, even if you have good intentions. Please don’t say it anymore.”
“I know you think this is a lifestyle choice, but it’s who I am. I need you to respect that or not bring it up anymore.”
“This conversation is too much for me right now. I need to go take a walk.”

Emotional:

“My family is making me extra anxious right now; what I need from you is to go for a walk to clear my head.”

“When you didn’t stand up for me at the dinner table, I felt unsupported and hurt. What I need from you is to know you’re there for me.”

“My emotional capacity is full right now. What I need is time to myself. I’m going to go take a nap, and I’d like not to be bothered.”

Now you might be wondering, what if they don’t react well to your boundary? Well, that’s a sign that boundary needed to be there.

It’s not your job to make others comfortable at your expense.

You can explain that your boundaries are what you need to feel comfortable and loved but won’t budge on them. You’d very much appreciate it if they respected them.

Look, boundaries aren’t easy, especially when you’re an anxious person. Just remember that you have to be your biggest advocate if you want to show up as your best self for everyone in your life.

I hope next week goes well for everyone celebrating American Thanksgiving. If you have any questions, reply to this email and let me know.

Until next week!

All the love,

Kirstie