Rejection = A Redriect
Hey hopeful romantic,
You know how I told you last week that I was on an exciting podcast? It happened again.
I joined the Black Genzennials podcast to talk about love languages! Listen to it here if you want to learn about how love languages affect your love life.
This week, let’s talk about rejection.
And I won’t beat around the bush: it freakin sucks.
Biologically, humans want to belong. We needed acceptance from others to stand a chance at surviving. Thus, we experience pain as a motivator to seek social approval.
Nowadays, we don’t need social acceptance to survive (though it feels pretty damn good to have it).
I’m not saying you should stay single forever. But I am going to challenge you to look at rejection differently.
Ken Page, the author of Deeper Dating, explains how most people we date won’t be the right match for us (somewhere around 90%).
We’re only looking for one great person, so it makes sense that we’ll meet a lot of not-so-greats.
When you think of dating that way, you’ll realize that rejection is simply part of the process. You’ll reject people and vice versa.
I’m not saying it won’t hurt, but it’s a lot more common than we think when we experience a “I’m not feeling this anymore” text.
Instead of thinking of someone deciding not to date you anymore as rejection, you can instead think of it as a redirect.
Imagine you’re going down a maze. At the end of the maze is your ideal partner.
You don't sit down on the floor and give up when you hit a dead-end in a maze (that emotionally unavailable guy on Bumble, perhaps).
You try a different path.
And you keep doing that until you finally find your way out of the maze and to that person who will make a fantastic long-term partner for you.
Sure, the process can be painful. It’ll be hard to see how it’s not personal.
But if you can remind yourself that a dead-end isn’t THE end but simply a chance to find something better, you’ll be better equipped to survive the ups and downs of dating.
Let me know what you think of rejection being a redirect! I’d love to know your thoughts.
All the love,
Kirstie
My Links:
If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
Did you know I wrote a book about love? Grab your copy here.
Check out my live dating show every Thursday at 5:30 pm PST!
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Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Want to learn more about working with me? Book a discovery call.