New Year, New Love
A few resolutions that could be the change you've always wanted.
Happy New Year!
2020 is officially behind us. Even though it was literally just yesterday, that feels pretty amazing to say.
That said, I have an issue with the idea of a new year. Sure, 2021 will hopefully be wildly different for the pandemic with the release of the vaccine. But what about your life in general?
A new calendar year doesn’t mean things will automatically be different for you. Measuring time via years is simply a human design.
In other words: the only way you’re going to see changes in this new year is if you make the changes happen.
You can hope your luck in dating will be better, but if you repeat the same patterns and choices, that won’t be the case. You can wish for self-love and everything that comes with finally liking yourself, but if you don’t do the work, you’re sh*t outta luck.
Whether you decide to make changes on January 1st or July 23rd, there’s really no difference. Change is a lofty order that’s only achieved with hard work.
With that being said, you can use the new year mindset to your advantage. There’s no better time than the present to pursue what you want. So why not use the collective new year enthusiasm to better your life?
Since relationships, dating, and self-love are all my jam, I’m going to suggest a few areas of your life for you to work on. Take em’ or leave em’; I won’t be offended.
Personally, working on these concepts drastically changed my life for the better. So I’m rounding them all up into one place for you to take into consideration.
If you’ve been trying to change your love life, feel more confident, or work towards loving who you are, consider making one of your new year’s resolutions working on these:
Boundaries
Without boundaries in your life, your relationships are going to suffer. That could look like feeling uncomfortable on your dates or beginning to resent your mother for calling you ten times every. Single. Day.
Boundaries are limits you set for people in your life. A great resolution is understanding which ones you need to feel comfortable in your relationships. Personally, I’d consider them a must-have for self-love.
Read more about boundaries and how to create them.
Limiting beliefs
It’s wild how powerful our minds are. They shape the way we experience the world. That’s why you could adore your best friend, but someone else could find them annoying. Neither of you is right, yet neither of you is wrong.
It’s merely perception.
If you believe things like “I don’t deserve love” or “I’m dumb and lazy,” you’ll begin to experience life in ways that confirm those beliefs. But, if you pinpoint your beliefs and begin to change them, you can stop them from holding you back.
Learn more about how your beliefs hold you back from finding love.
Dating patterns
We all have dating patterns, but it’s the bad ones that are concerning. Take me, for example: I used to date really cocky men. I’m not talking confidence; I’m talking about the “I’m above everyone else at this party” kind of mentality.
Once I realized I tended to choose men like this, I intentionally steered clear of them.
That’s one small example, but there are plenty more dating patterns people suffer from. What better way to start 2021 than to leave your negative ones behind in 2020?
Breaking negative dating patterns for a better love life.
Attachment styles
Attachment theory rocked my world. Though it’s merely a theory, the science behind it and the ways of coping significantly improved my love life.
Essentially, it understands how and why we function in our relationships. If you’re the kind of person who overthinks relationships or feelings anxious about dating, you’ll benefit from reading about attachment styles.
The same goes for people who are scared to get close to anyone or avoid commitment like its COVID-19. Understanding your attachment style could be the revelation you need.
Read more about secure attachments.
Read more about avoidant attachments.
Read more about anxious attachments.
Love languages
Nothing says, “I love myself” more than understanding your love language. You can better communicate what your needs are to people, and care for yourself in ways that feel better.
Everyone gives and receives love in different ways. For me, I receive love best when someone uses words. Meanwhile, my boyfriend feels most loved when we spend quality time together.
Those are our love languages.
Once you understand how you give and receive love, you can work towards relationships that make you feel even more fulfilled.
Plus, there’s a nifty, quick quiz that can help you figure out yours.
Let me know if you decide to understand/work on one of these aspects of your life. You’d be surprised how much they can improve your life in more than one area.
In the meantime, have a great beginning of your year, and I’ll be in your inbox next week.
Xoxo,
Kirstie
Content I Loved:
How can we stop overanalyzing our relationships?
Can you have it all? w/ May Lee (Podcast)
New Year’s Resolutions That Will Actually Lead to Happiness
How To Break Out Of A Relationship Rut During The Pandemic
6 Things My Therapist Taught Me About Relationships
My relationship is not quite perfect: if we get married, is it doomed?
Articles I Wrote (And Podcasts I Am On):
How to Be Proactive in Dating without Investing Too Much of Yourself
8 Signs You May Have Hit An Emotional Wall
How To Tell If You’re Emotionally Ready For A Relationship
Relationships, Boundaries, and Mixed Signals with Kirstie Taylor (Podcast)
Let's talk about boundaries with Kirstie Taylor (Podcast)
Book Update:
*If you're new to this newsletter and my work, I'm currently writing on a book, What I Wish I Knew About Love, that's set to come out early 2021 with Thought Catalog Books.*
My book is in the last stage of preparation. I’ve been doing a lot of podcast interviews to help promote it. Let me know if you listen to any that you think I’d be a good guest for!