Myths About Being Single
Hey hopeful romantic,
If you’ve subscribed to this newsletter for a while, you probably remember when I sent out a survey to get to know you all better.
(Btw, if you didn’t take it`, send me a reply saying hi and let me know what you want to see in this newsletter!)
That survey helped me realize that quite a few of you are single— over half of you, to be exact— which is great because I want to dispel some crappy myths circulating about not being in a relationship.
But first…
If you want a whole lot of content on how to enjoy your time being single and eventually find a great partner, might I suggest my new book, What I Wish I Knew About Love?
If you order now, send me your receipt, and I’ll reply with my Free Boundaries Guide as a thank you!
About three years ago, I purposely took a year off dating. I came out of two crappy back-to-back relationships, and I knew I need to change aspects of my love life.
I’ll be the first to admit that I was a serial monogamist. I didn’t know what it was like to be by myself. It turned out I was terrified of being by myself.
But that year off dating was THE BEST decision I made for myself. It’s what I finally needed to make big decisions for my life that led me to be happier with my life (even outside of love).
All of this is to get to one point.. there’s a lot of BS spread about being single that’s simply not true. And for the sake of all of you that are single, I want to spend this week talking about what those myths are.
Myth #1: Your life will magically be happier when you’re in a relationship.
The problem with this myth is it’s based on the belief that happiness comes from outside yourself. Sure, a person can give you momentary happiness. But if you aren’t happy on your own— with your life, friends, career, who you are— another person won’t change that.
So spend your time being single building that happiness. It’ll always be an inside job.
Myth #2: Being single is a problem that needs to be fixed ASAP.
When you rush into anything, it most likely won’t turn out well. Call me crazy, but I’d venture to guess that’s why many people are unhappy in their marriages.
Take your time. Don’t let anyone make you think that being single is a problem that needs to be fixed. Singledom is simply a stage of life.
Myth #3: There’s something wrong with you for being single.
Let’s stop with those whole “damaged goods” or “change yourself so people like you” crap. There’s nothing wrong with you for being single.
It simply means that you haven’t found a good match for you. That’s it. Case closed.
Myth #4: When you stop looking, the right one will come.
Barf. I hope there was never a time when I wrote this advice in an article. It’s such a disheartening thing to say to someone who is genuinely trying to find a great partner.
A relationship comes when it comes. Whether you’re looking or not. If anything, being intentional about your dating life will have better outcomes than sitting in your apartment bingeing Schitt’s Creek (which is phenomenal, btw).
Myth #5: You can’t be single, happy, and looking for a relationship.
Ah yes, the new-age myth that somehow loving being single and looking for a relationship are mutually exclusive. I simply cannot agree less.
You can enjoy your singledom while also looking for the right person to spend your life with. You don’t have to miserable and unhappy. You can love this time and also date.
Myth #6: If you’re single, it’s because your standards are too high.
While I’m all for adjusting standards, they’re essential for dating. Don’t have superficial pet-peeves disguised as standards, but do have boundaries that you refuse to have crossed.
If someone makes you feel like compromising your values, morals, or life goals is something you need to do then their standards are the ones that need to change, not yours.
Myth #7: Your time is ticking.
Yes, time is always passing. That’s how our world works.
But by no means does that mean you should hurry it up when finding a relationship. In fact, it’s shown that people who marry at an older age have a lower divorce rate than those who marry young.
This myth that your clock is ticking does more harm than good.
Myth #8: You’re getting the worse pick of people the longer you’re single.
If by worse pick they mean that you’re finding someone who is more settled into their career, dated around and knows what they want, had time to figure out their passions, and is now ready for a relationship, then yes, you have the “worse” pick.
Myth #9: You’ll regret this time you wasted.
You’ll only regret your time being single if you make it miserable. But if you fill it with forming deep friendships, traveling to places you’ve always wanted, becoming clear on your boundaries, and pursuing your life’s goals, then no, you won’t regret this time.
I sure as hell don’t.
If you need any more convincing that being single isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be, I asked my followers why they LOVE being single. Here are some of their answers:
This week’s activity: Tell me which of these myths you used to believe, but you now realize isn’t true. How are you going to do things differently? Reply to this email and let me know! I read every email and try to reply to as many as I can.
Until next week my lovely reader.
All the love,
Kirstie
Content I Loved:
I Found Mr. Right — Unfortunately, He Only Exists In My Romance Novels
I Wanted to Love Her, Not Save Her
No, Being Open and Being Vulnerable Aren’t the Same Thing—Here are 4 Key Differences.
Getting Over Your Ex and Understanding the Psychology of Breakups (Podcast)
Articles I Wrote:
Ask If You’ve Done These 5 Things Before Getting Back Into Dating