This week has been a lot of revelations for me. I signed a lease on a new apartment with my current beau, aka, we're moving in together. Not that we don't technically live together now because of the pandemic, but we'll be buying furniture and sharing a bed, indefinitely, maybe for the rest of our lives.
I also read a book recently called This Is Not A Fashion Story. A friend of mine thought it would be great inspiration for the format of my book, and boy was she not wrong at all. It's inspired me to make my book— all about lessons on love I wish I knew when I was younger—have more of a personal element to it. I'm writing more stories and adding in details. The book focuses mainly on lessons, but it also follows the narrative of my life.
These events might seem exciting or rather obvious, but, for me, I had a bit of hesitation. I mean, moving in together is a big deal. What if we fight, and I don't have my own place to run and hide at? What if we, god forbid, break up?
As for my book... I essentially layout all my royal fuckups in terms of dating. It's not exactly easy to be like: here are all my horrible memories of heartbreak, think what you will!
And I can't help but notice those two incidents hold a common theme: As much as I put on a brave face, sometimes I'm scared to be vulnerable. With my boyfriend, with my readers, with life.
I notice all too often that in life, were held back most by the fear of being judged by others and, therefore, hurt. It's apparent in dating; people don't text first because they don't want to come off as too eager. Feelings are held back because people don't want to be the one who shows their cards first.
In life, we smile and say, "I'm doing fine, thanks," when someone asks how we are, no matter if that response is a lie. Inside, we're all fighting these internal battles, but on the outside were in a room, smiling and having a casual conversation.
It's clear that to live life, we have to be vulnerable. At some point, one person has to tell the other how they feel or their relationship will fade into acquaintance oblivion. We have to take a stance and say that our job makes us unhappy, or forever spend our days at an office that we hate. We must write out stories, speak our truth, and open our hearts; that is if we want to live a life that's authentic to ourselves.
I know it's hard to be vulnerable, but I do believe it's almost like a muscle we can exercise; the more we do it, the easier it becomes. And I can't help but wonder, and I hope you all wonder this too, what does lie for us on the other side of the vulnerability? How much could our lives benefit from admitting our feelings and weakness to the world?
Ways To Practice Vulnerability
Admit when you're scared. It is human nature to be scared; whether it be in a specific situation or an on-going event that you fear the outcome of. Open up to yourself and those closest to you that you're afraid of.
Stop playing games. Love is not a place for trying to see who can act like they care less. That's a coping strategy and won't make for a healthy relationship in the long run.
Telling someone you love how you feel. I know that telling someone how much you love them is scary. The fear of rejection is strong. But think about years from now, what you'll feel knowing you never let that person in on the way you felt about them.
Letting others know that you're wrong. Vulnerability also means admitting when you made a mistake. Often, a person gets defensive and causes more issues for themselves rather than admitting they're the one at fault.
Being honest with yourself when you've become an obstacle. Often, the biggest impediment in life for growth is ourselves. It's hard to admit certain things, especially when you don't want to believe them. But if you can't be vulnerable with yourself, you'll have a hard time doing it elsewhere.
Some helpful content…
It's almost ludicrous to talk about vulnerability without mentioning Brene Brown. It's a practice to learn how to lean into vulnerability. A beautiful essay on complete honesty with lovers. Creating better relationships of all kinds by speaking up about how you feel.
Until next week... stay sane & healthy.
All the love,
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