Is Love a Feeling?

Dec 10, 2021

Hey hopeful romantic,

I have a tattoo. It’s the only tattoo on my body, and it permanently resides on my finger. It’s three black dots, also known as an ellipsis.

I wanted a constant reminder that life continues no matter the feelings I experience (and this was after overcoming severe depression). Feelings come and go, and I don’t want them dictating my will to be on this planet.

So I’m very aware that feelings are fleeting.

Which then makes you wonder, how could love be a feeling?

Well, it’s not.

There have been plenty of instances where my boyfriend annoyed the shit out of me, or we saw fundamentally different on an issue. It would’ve been easy to take those feelings at the moment, yell “fuck you!” and storm out into the world with the assumption that our love was lost.

But that’s not what happened. Because though I was annoyed, angry, or upset with my boyfriend, I still loved him. I wanted to stay and work things out.

And that, my beautiful readers, is what love is.

Some say it’s a choice. Others say it’s an action. But it’s something you’ll do time and time again in your relationship.

You see, those butterflies in our stomach or giddy moments of seeing our partner’s smile are great feelings. They’re joy, happiness, lust, and admiration. They’re what drive our actions to keep loving (a verb, mind you).

A relationship won’t always be easy. Couples who’ve been together for decades didn’t only experience highs in their relationship. It’s not this elusive “ever-lasting passion” that keeps them together.

They found someone they want to do life with. And during those times, they had to wonder if they would make it; they kept choosing each other.

Now, this isn’t to say that people who stopped choosing each other gave up. Sometimes you have to realize you’ll both be happier elsewhere.

But this is to say that being in love is more than just words. It requires action and choices from both parties. You’ll have to work on this (even though they’ll be well worth it). You’ll choose one another’s happiness.

Assuming love is a feeling will make it harder to love.

You don’t want to throw your hands up in the air and give up on someone the moment you don’t feel it. Or, if you’re single, assuming someone can’t be an excellent match for you simply because you didn’t feel a fire of emotions on the first few dates.

When you find someone you choose to love, that’s a beautiful thing. I hope they choose to love you back.

But I am curious about your thoughts. Do you agree that love is a choice and/or action? What has your experience been?

Until next week!

All the love,

Kirstie