Here's Your Closure

Apr 23, 2021

Hey hopeful romantic,

I celebrated the release of my first book, What I Wish I Knew About Love, on Wednesday. Just typing those words is surreal since I began writing the first words for it a year ago.

I want to say thank you to everyone who pre-ordered my book. You’ll be receiving your copy in the mail within the next week or so. I hope you find it insightful for bettering your love life.

If you haven’t already, you can grab your copy here.

This week, I want to talk about closure. It’s a very interesting experience to go through since, as humans, we make sense of what happens to us through stories.

But when a relationship ends abruptly and you’re offered no explanation, it’s like reading a book, turning the page, and realizing the rest of the pages were ripped out. It’s painful. It sucks.

I wouldn’t wish that experience on my worst enemy.

And to tell someone, “make your own closure,” without any guidance, kinda makes the whole situation worse. It’s hard enough to deal with a breakup, but to be expected to know how to move on with no explanation of why things ended is near impossible.

So while I don’t have a magic answer for getting your crappy ex to finally give you the closure you want, I do have advice for creating that closure for yourself and getting the peace of mind you deserve.

Consider what these actions say about who they are.

Chances are, you’re thinking about the best parts of your relationship. You can’t understand how that kind person you were with could do something that causes you so much pain. Those two things don’t add up, and, honestly, it makes you feel even more confused.

Well, that’s because your ex isn’t the caring person you think they are. It takes a certain kind of person to go from loving and caring for someone to cutting off things with no explanation. They know that’s a shitty move.

So ask yourself, are they actually the person you thought they were? Once you realize they're not as great as you thought, you’ll be able to see their actions as part, if not all, of the closure you badly want.

Know that even if you did receive closure, it might make you feel worse.

I can think of many explanations for why someone ended a relationship that would make me feel even worse than never knowing. The biggest one being: there was nothing wrong at all. They just weren’t feeling it anymore.

What would you do with that information? Would you feel better knowing, or perhaps you’d rather not known at all?

Sometimes, closure isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes, you’re better off not knowing their reason and moving on simply for the sake of knowing you deserve better.

Write down everything you’re feeling.

If you really need a final goodbye, write a note to your ex without expecting any sort of response. Explain how they hurt you. Describe how you wish things had ended. Say the final words you never got to say.

Then send it. Or not. The choice is up to you. But think of those words as the final closing chapter with your ex, not a moment to try and reconcile things.

This week’s activity: Who hurt you in the past that you haven’t completely forgiven? What would you say if you saw them one last time, but they couldn’t say anything back?

Reply and let me know! I read every email and try to respond to as many as I can.

Until next week ❤️

All the love,

Kirstie