Growing Together

In a relationship, you either grow together or grow apart.

Hello fellow romantics,

There are a lot of new subscribers that came in this month, so I want to say hi!

If you want, reply to this email and tell me a little about yourself and how you found me.

For those that don't know, I'm Kirstie. I psychobabble, I mean write, about relationships and dating. I've been around the block when it comes to love, and I've also read countless books, studies, poems, and articles on the subject.

Through my writing and research, I want to help you with your love life. Why? Because I've been there. And I'm not afraid to lay it all out there, unfiltered.

Now on to why you're all here:


I've been working on my book and adding more stories to liven up my points. In a particular section, I wrote about how important it is to find someone who will grow with you in life, rather than away from you.

About three years ago, I took a break from dating after a particularly horrible breakup. During that time, I became obsessed with a show called Parenthood. My therapist friend recommended it because she said it's a sweet and humble show.

After a tumultuous breakup, I needed a bit of humble in my somewhat unstable life.

The show follows a family headed by the grandparents, Zeke and Camille, trickling down to their four adult kids, and then all of their children. Throughout the show, the families go through all their different yet very realistic struggles.

The common thread is always the grandparents: a stable support system that seemed unbreakable.

Then, during Season 5, Camille expresses that she is tired of holding her family together and wants to take art classes in Italy. She feels stuck in a life that's been the same for decades; no one appreciates her interests, and her kids only come to her for advice they never take.

Eventually, Camille talks about separating from Zeke, and she says a line that I still remember to this day--though I can't find the actual quote anywhere online.

Camille describes how life is long and that sometimes, we grow away from the people in it. That sometimes, they're only part of the first act, not the second. I paraphrased, but that was the gist.

I agree with Camille that your life will have many acts. But that doesn't mean you'll outgrow your partner; it means you want to find a partner that will grow with you.

Though Camille and Zeke did separate for a bit, they ended up back together. Zeke grew into the kind of person who realized that giving Camille the space she needed was the right thing to do.

Relationships end for all sorts of reasons: no chemistry, different life goals, or someone cheats. But what about the ones that started great and the love is still there?

That's when the relationship is tested. Life has its twists and turns. You don't know what it will throw at you. 

That's why it's important to find a person who will grow with you, rather than grow apart from you.


I'm curious, what are your thoughts on this? Do you and your partner talk about personal growth? Are qualities that lend to personal growth, like EQ and self-awareness, something you look for when dating?

Next week, I'll talk about personal growth within relationships and while you're dating.

But, until then, have a great week, my amazing readers.

All the love,

Kirstie


Content I Loved:

What It's Like Getting Into a First Relationship in Your Late Twenties

So You're Ready For In-Person Dating? Here's How To Do It Safely

How to deal with rejection: a step-by-step-guide

I Took the Risk of Dating During the Pandemic. It Paid Off.

Modern Love: "You should break up with me."

How To Support a Partner Struggling With Symptoms of Depression During the Pandemic

Articles I Wrote:

6 Quotes by Alain DE Botton That Will Change the Way You View Love

Are You in Love — or Obsessed?

5 Habits of Self-Compassionate People

It can be hard to know how to help a friend facing depression. *TW: Suicide*


Book Update:

*If you're new to this newsletter and my work, I'm currently writing on a book, What I Wish I Knew About Love, that's set to come out early 2021 with Thought Catalog Books.*

Two days ago, I added a chapter about what boundaries are and how to create them. From what my beta readers wrote, people want to read more on that.

If you want a sneak peek of this chapter, reply to this email and let me know!


Writing Corner:

If you follow me from Medium and you're a fellow writer, shoot me a hello! I'd love to know what you write about and any questions you have about Medium.

I also run a mastermind to help writers level-up their freelance careers. Check it out here.