Don't Tell Me To Be Jolly

It's ok to not be ok during the holidays.

Dec 13, 2019

Christmas is in two weeks. Chanukah is even sooner.

I hope you’re not as stressed out as I am. Between my car crash, aches & pains, a stressful side job, and my boyfriend’s birthday happening this weekend, I am filled to the brim with overwhelm. I’m barely hanging in there.

I want to take this time to say one serious thing, though: it’s ok to not be happy during the holidays.

There’s a ton of reasons someone would feel triggered by this time of year, not to mention the added stress of expected jolly emotions. It makes perfect sense why someone would feel guilty or sad that they’re not happy.

But allow yourself to be sad; ask yourself why it is that you’re feeling this way and all the emotions to move through you, rather than bottling them up. Then buy some Christmas cookies and eat them all without sharing— you deserve it.

There’s no reason to feel like you need to plaster on a smile or act like someone you’re not during the holidays. Aunt Karen may poke and prod, but your well-being is what matters most here.

Because of this anxiety and stress I’ve been feeling surrounding the holidays, I wanted to send an email with resources for managing not-so-jolly feelings during the holidays:

For validating your feelings around the holidays

The New York Times Marissa Miller hits the feeling of being sad over the holidays perfectly. In her piece “Yes, It’s O.K. to Be Sad During The Holidays,” Miller puts things into a better perspective and doesn’t try to smother the sadness with candy canes and Santa hats.

For excellent responses to prying questions from relatives

Or if you want a good laugh. Sara Katherine Runnels is hilarious but also offers a great perspective that we don’t have to answer every nosy question from relatives we see once, maybe twice a year.

For getting through the “Stressmas Season” when socializing isn’t an option

Erin Donovan talks about how she manages the holidays while struggling with grief and depression after the loss of her mom. Her tips for getting through the holiday season don’t sugar coat things nor try to bottle up any feelings.

While I hope your holidays are filled with happiness, it’s completely OK if they’re not. Use the time to focus on yourself for a bit. Or reach out to a friend who may understand your holiday blues.

If you have any questions you’d my advice on, as always, reply to this email! I’m still happy to help.

Until next week my lovely readers, I wish you the best.

All the love,

Kirstie