Ask These Questions About Your Love Life
Hey hopeful romantic,
I’ve been receiving a lot of comments on my content along the lines of:
“I could never do this with my partner; they’d say it’s a waste of time or yell at me.”
or
“My partner always says I’m overreacting/too emotional.”
These comments break my heart for two reasons. The first is that they’re indicators of the health of their relationships. But the second is, I’ve been there.
I’ve been in relationships where I feel unfulfilled. I’ve been in relationships that, when I try to get my needs met, my partner at the time would yell at me, ridicule me, or ignore me for days.
It hurts, and when you’re wrapped up in the relationship, it can be hard to realize that things don’t have to be that way.
So this week, we’re talking about questions that’ll help you better understand how your love life is going, what can be improved, and if you’re in the grips of a toxic relationship.
But first things first: if you’re currently dating, I want to know something: has your dating track record kind of sucked? Are you desperate to change your love life but scared of falling back into dating the same kind of person?
If so, my new book, What I Wish I Knew About Love, has you covered.
It’s packed full of lessons and activities to help you finally find the kind of love you deserve. Some of the chapters include:
First Date Signs That Someone Won’t Make a Good Partner
Actions That Help You Determine If You’re Someone’s Priority
The Most Underrated Qualities That Make For A Great Life Partner
Mixed Signals Are A Clear Signal
If this sounds like exactly what you need, order my book below. If you do, send me an email with your order number, and I’ll send you my Boundaries Guide as a token of my gratitude. ❤️
Now back to this week’s newsletter…
I’ve found a lot of power in taking inventory of my life and asking myself questions to check-in with how I’m feeling. Just this simple change helped me finally get into a relationship with someone who treats me well, and I enjoy being with (the opposite of my past relationships).
So I have a list of questions I’ve asked myself or had my readers ask themselves. Your answers to these questions could help reveal a lot about how healthy your dating life is, even when it might be hard to admit it.
What kind of person are you around your partner?
Do you like the kind of person you are when you’re hanging out together? Or do you find that you tend to be a more angry or sad version of yourself?
If the person you’re dating triggers all the things you don’t like about yourself, that’s not a good sign. Sure, it’s great to try and work on yourself, but you’ll never be able to make those changes if your partner is keeping you stuck as the person you don’t want to be.
How do you feel around the person you’re dating?
When you’re together, are you having fun or at the very least comfortable? Or do you leave hanging out with them feeling drained and more anxious than before you hung out?
If you’re walking on eggshells every time you’re together, that’s not good for your mental health. Plus, why would you want to live your life with someone who makes you feel that way? I’d rather be with someone who makes me feel understood, respected, and safe.
What would you think if your best friend’s partner treated them that way?
People say, “it’s hard to take your own advice,” and as someone who gives people advice for a living, that could not be more true. What I do to judge if a situation is healthy or not is that I picture my best friend in my shoes.
If your best friend was dating someone who treated them like your partner treats you, how would you react? If you’d be happy for them, great! But if you’d tell them to run for the hills, then maybe you should, too.
Do you feel like you’re authentic to yourself?
Does the person you’re dating respect your boundaries? Are there red flags you promised yourself you would never ignore again but are letting slide for this one person?
If there’s one theme that ran true in a lot of my dating life, it’s that I wasn’t authentic with myself. I knew I deserved better. I was just scared to admit that to myself.
Are you dating from fear or happiness?
Oof. This one might hit hard for some of you. I just mentioned being scared to admit to myself when relationships weren’t working, and I know many other people are in the same boat.
There’s an effect called sunk cost effect, and essentially, it’s the reason why the more time you’ve dated someone, the longer you’re willing to stick it out. You’ve invested months, maybe even years of your life into a person, so it feels harder to leave them.
But if you’re dating someone because of a fear of being single or having to find a new apartment or because your life would change, that’s not a reason to stay. You’re giving someone who doesn’t deserve it one of your most precious and limited resources in life: time.
If you’re happy with your answers, then that’s great! I’m happy for you!
But if your answers gave you a somewhat uneasy feeling, then maybe it’s worth talking about how your love life or relationship is going with someone close to you. Sometimes just talking about things to someone can help you get a better understanding of your situation.
If you want, you can also email me and tell me your thoughts. I’m always a quick reply away.
Until next week, my lovely reader. ❤️
All the love,
Kirstie
Content I Loved:
Breaking The Attachment to Time (with Marisa Cohen) (Podcast)
What You Gain When You Give Things Up
How to Apologize When You’ve Hurt Someone
What the Differences Between Chemistry and Compatibility Can Mean for Relationships
How to Not Die Alone (Book)
Articles I Wrote:
Finding Love is a Self-Reflective Experience (Podcast I was interviewed on)
How Attachment Styles Affect Your Relationship with Kirstie Taylor (Podcast I was interviewed on)
8 Little Ways To Feel Confident On A Date — While Still Being Yourself