Are You A Victim Of Love?
If so, you don't have to be.
Hey, hopeful romantic,
Yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday. I went for a stroll in a park and talked with a friend. I relaxed and took in the sun (though minimal, since it rained yesterday). Twas a calm, quarantine birthday. Just what I wanted after a hectic month.
If you want to learn about and better your love life while also saying "happy birthday,” pre-ordering my book, What I Wish I Knew About Love, is the way to do that.
Send me a reply to this email if you do pre-order WIWIKAL, and I’ll send you my Boundaries Guide, all about creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Now let’s talk about love. Whether it be self-love, friendships, romantic partners, or family, you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you play the victim.
But first off, what does “playing the victim” even look like?
Well, it’s anyone who says, “I’m a Taurus. I’m hard-headed. That’s just how I am.” It’s anyone who thinks, “I have an anxious attachment style and constantly asking for reassurance from my partner is part of my personality,” or “Mercury is in retrograde, so I can’t.”
Or even as simple as, “I’m late to everything. That’s just who I am.”
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Sure, that might be how you are now. But your personality isn’t set in stone. If your actions are hurting people in your life, disrespecting those closest to you, or causing you unhappiness, you have all the power to change them.
I’ll be the first to say that I don’t believe in things like astrology. It’s a fun idea to talk about, but beyond that, I need more science. Yet, multiple people have commented on my content, saying that my advice doesn’t apply to them because of their zodiac sign.
*Huge eye roll*
You’re never above working on yourself. You’re never above learning. Your personality isn’t permanent. You have all the ability to make whatever changes you want.
Now, that’s not to say you should change your personality to make everyone around you happy. But what I am saying is that you can change the parts of you that make life harder. Because your zodiac sign isn’t to blame for everything that’s going wrong.
With that being said, I also can’t stress enough that your partner won’t be the one to save you, nor should you expect them to. It’s not fair to them.
Your life is entirely in your own hands. Change needs to come from you.
So how can you go about that? Well, there are a few questions/exercises I want you to try.
“What is my role in this situation?”
Whenever you feel like you’ve been dealt crappy cards or you want to say, “well, I’m [insert personality trait], so of course this happened,” take a mental halt. Ask yourself what your role was leading up to the situation.
By doing this, you’ll notice how your choices or lack of boundaries brought you to where you are.
“Do I feel safe/comfortable as the victim?”
Change ain’t easy. I’ll be the first to admit that. Even if being a victim brings many hardships into your life, it might feel more comfortable and familiar to keep playing the victim.
But once you move past that uncomfortable phase, you step into a life where you feel happier and more empowered.
Take inventory of your self-sabotage ways.
You’d be surprised to learn that you might be doing things to keep your life the way it is. People fear happiness because they’re scared it’ll be ripped away from them.
Going back to the idea that familiarity is comfortable, you might be making choices on purpose to keep yourself where you’re at.
Change your internal narrative.
Your inner dialogue will make you think you’re at the mercy of life until you re-write it. And since our thoughts can quite literally change our reality, you must start changing your thoughts.
When thoughts like, “this always happens to me,” venture into your mind, replace it with another thought like, “I don’t like this situation, and I have the ability to change it.”
Draw better boundaries and say “no” more.
Most people who suffer from feeling like a victim have a lot of trouble with boundaries. I used to believe I had shitty cards because cocky men who mistreated me always came into my life.
But what I lacked was boundaries. I didn’t leave relationships when red flags popped up. I didn’t demand the respect I deserved.
Creating boundaries and learning to say no to protect your mental, physical, and emotional well-being will instantly make you feel more empowered.
As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments. Do you feel like you’re a victim? Did you go through a point in your life where you stepped into taking more control of your circumstances?
Until next week my lovely reader.
Xoxo,
Kirstie
Content I Loved:
Are You In A One-Sided Relationship? (Podcast)
Modern Love: My Unlikely Pandemic Dream Partner
There Are Two Kinds of Happy People
Abandonment issues and fear of abandonment in relationships explained
5 Apology Languages You Should Know To Quickly Resolve Relationship Conflict
What’s The Difference Between Self-Regulation And Being Calm? (Podcast)