Are You a Bad Match or Is It Dating Anxiety?
Hey, hopeful romantic!
Long time no talk! But I’m Kirstie, and I’m once again in your inbox to talk about ways to feel less anxious in your dating life.
Today, I want to talk about how to tell if you’re a bad match with someone or if anxiety might be getting in the way— aka one of the HARDEST things for an anxious dater to understand.
But first…
I’m teaching a Dating Anxiety 101 live class on July 14th!
Imagine dating with a lot less overthinking, second-guessing, doubting yourself, and that overall sense of defeat. Sounds great, right?
In this class, I’ll guide you with tools and exercises geared toward helping you feel secure in your love life ❤️ We’ll specifically get into:
✨ How to handle overthinking.
✨ Ways to ask for your needs.
✨ How to create boundaries, so you feel safe.
✨ Mindset work for pre and post-date.
✨ and more!
Class will be in session on July 14th at 9 pm EST/6 pm PDT, and tickets are only $20!
Now back to why I’m in your inbox.
This morning, I was interviewed for a podcast and asked, “Why did you decide to stop dating your boyfriend?”
Now, don’t panic! My relationship is just fine. The interviewer was referring to the first time I tried dating my boyfriend, the time I decided, after three dates, that I wanted to go back to being friends.
The answer to my question was simple: I wasn’t ready to be in a healthy relationship yet. I still felt turned off by emotionally available behaviors like consistent texting and genuine interest.
Which is WILD since that’s all I ever wanted in a relationship!
Luckily, my boyfriend and I gave things another try several months after I sent him that “let’s just be friends” text. This time, I knew I needed to pay attention to when my anxiety was being triggered.
Before, I was attracted to cocky men who felt iffy about me and didn’t communicate well. Their hot and cold behavior was something I became addicted to. I equated a roller coaster of emotions with passion.
Sound like what you struggle with?
I knew this got in the way of me giving my now-boyfriend a chance before, so I became super aware of my triggers, icks, and any time I wanted to bolt.
If I felt a strong reaction to something my now-boyfriend did, I asked myself: Is this a behavior I know is healthy and want in my ideal relationship?
If the answer was yes (like consistent texts), then I pushed through the initial “ick” to see if it went away. And, to my surprise, they did! I grew to love knowing he’d text me each day, and his humble personality is something I love most about him.
With that said, I never “forced” myself to date him. I thought he was cute, and I enjoyed spending time with him. But as for the connection and even some of the physical attraction, those parts grew stronger with time.
Sometimes, we have to be honest with ourselves about the person we’re dating.
If they forget our name, don’t introduce us to their friends, or aren’t interested in becoming exclusive, those are probably signs they’re not a good match for you.
But if you’re nitpicking at minor details like their style, how they breathe with their mouth open, or their hobbies, then maybe it’s just anxiety.
And I can’t stress enough that it also may be that you’re used to unhealthy dating behaviors like I was!
So how do you tell if you’re not a good match or if it’s just anxiety? You have to get real honest with yourself and focus on the ideal relationship you want.
If you have questions about this or want to tell me about your experience with dating anxiety, reply to this email!
Until next time!
All the love,
Kirstie
My Links:
Attend my live Dating 101 class on July 14th!
If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
Did you know I wrote a book about love? Grab your copy here.
Content You’ll Love:
4 Conversations I Had With My Boyfriend Before Moving In Together
9 Ways to Articulate if You’re Falling in Love for Real, According to Experts
How to Open Up to Others Without Dumping Your Emotions on Them
Wanting a ‘Loyalty Check’ Is a Relationship-Health Red Flag
Help! My Partner Won’t Stop Talking To His Ex
There’s No Getting Around It – Break-Ups Are the Worst
Passive Aggressive Examples To Look Out For In A Partner
Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Have a specific dating struggle you want to work with me on? Book a 1:1 session here.