Are Relationships Work?
Hi, hopeful romantic!
This past weekend I saw several friends, and we talked about whether relationships should be hard work.
It made me think of a memory I had with a very emotionally unavailable ex (the guy I dated right before my boyfriend).
Though I don’t think highly of him, I’m willing to admit that he made me realize one wise thing about relationships.
But first…
Tonight I’m going live with another dating coach, Ali from @findingmrheight!
We’re unleashing our creative side and painting while we answer dating questions. Better yet: you get to decide what we paint!
Hell, you can even paint along with us, if you want!
Hang out with us, ask your dating questions, and get creative tonight at 5:30 pm PST.
Now back to that not-so-great past relationship of mine.
In the middle of a horrible fight, tears streaming down my face, I said something along the lines of:
“Good luck finding a better relationship. They’re always hard like this!”
To which my ex replied, “No, that’s not true. Relationships don’t have to be this hard.”
At the time, I thought he was naive. I assumed I knew better since I had more experience in relationships.
But boy, was I wrong.
The thing about relationships is that if you want a thriving one, you have to put in work.
You’ll need to learn how to love your partner better, communicate in healthier ways, and compromise from time to time.
But what I got wrong is that they shouldn’t be hard, painful work.
The sobbing on my bathroom, never feeling cared for, begging for basic needs to be met.. all of that.. a relationship doesn’t have to be that way.
If anything, it was an indicator that my ex and I were a horrible match.
I can’t stress enough that no relationship will ever be perfect; there will always be a learning curve with a new relationship.
But let’s make sure to differentiate between pain and effort.
To be loved doesn’t mean to become a martyr.
It’s finding the person with whom the work feels like it’s actually working.
As always, I’m curious what your thoughts are! Reply to this email and let me know.
Until next week!
All the love,
Kirstie
My Links:
If you want to feel more secure in your love life, check out my Anxious Attachment Workshop.
Did you know I wrote a book about love? Grab your copy here.
Check out my live dating show every Thursday at 5:30 pm PST!
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Hi! I’m Kirstie
I help anxious people who don’t feel good enough for love understand their worth and find fulfilling love.
For over a decade, I was in one relationship after another with people who mistreated me or were emotionally unavailable. All of that ended when I took a year break from dating and read a book called Attached.
Learning about attachment styles changed my life. It opened doors like discovering my lack of boundaries and inability to ask for my needs to be met.
Today, I write and coach to help people through the same journey. You don’t have to feel so anxious, insecure, and uncertain when it comes to love.
I want to help you feel confident and find the love you deserve.
Want to learn more about working with me? Book a discovery call.